Dixie Cricket-Life

Ron Paul 2012

2012-01-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

A year or so ago, I decided that I wanted to begin educating myself about government and politics so that I could form a personal opinion on these matters. I've noticed my health and food choice freedoms being eroded, and as a fervent "real foods" and natural healthcare supporter, I began to wonder why this was happening and what could be done about it. The first thing I did was ask the smartest hardcore Democrats and Republicans that I know, why they support what they do and why I should too. Then I read Texas Congressman Dr. Ron Paul's book, The Revolution: A Manifesto. As a Constitutional Conservative, he is a proponent of limited government. And over the last several months, the old, established message of freedom that he champions has really begun to resonate in my mind and heart. I've started reading articles from different viewpoints and asking lots of questions. As a homeschooling mom, history has also come alive to me for the first time as I learn along with my children. We've been studying Roman, British, and a little American history. I am so far from knowing a lot, and I have no doubt that I will have to be flexible with my thoughts; but I feel like I have learned enough now, to be able to develop a few legitimate opinions. These are a just a few, random thoughts about foreign aid and social policy, the types of issues that are of concern to many Christian voters. These views are in line with those of Ron Paul, and are some of the reasons why I plan to vote for him in the upcoming Republican Primary; and why, should he not get the official nomination, I will write in his name for president.

Practically the entire history of human civilization, including the modern day United States of America, has begun to look to me like the board game, RISK. This is a game where each "nation" basically tries to take over the world. The balance is in violently taking over as much as possible of the human race, while making alliances for self-serving purposes and not spreading the resources of one's own nation too thinly to defend itself against the conquest of other countries. It seems to me that a timeless, basic, human flaw is the insatiable drive for the money and power gained through such endeavors. In a modern society, we just find different reasons to justify it. Now I'm not talking about defending ones own and then moving on. I'm talking about the endless, simultaneous conflicts that riddle human history and that are going on right now as the US alone has 900 military bases in 130 countries. Can this possibly, really be necessary for our defense? I have begun to think not. And I am learning that our Founding Fathers didn't hold the foreign policy views of mainstream Democrats OR Republicans. My only guess is that we accept the current ideologies as normal and acceptable because it's all most of us have known in our lifetimes, and because a kid like me can graduate at the top of her high school class without a real knowledge or sense of World or American history. I reason that future generations will regard us as having been as brutal and bloodthirsty as we rightly recognize Rome or the Vikings were-when we critically consider their histories without simply regurgitating colorless facts for a standardized test in school.

And in mankind's thirst for control, I perceive that it is also the norm and not the exception, for the humans who comprise the governing bodies to tend to look after the best interests of themselves before those of the people being governed-to falter toward corruption when not adequately restrained. The people that make up governments are made of the same frail skin as the rest of us; and we all struggle with our own selfishness and shortsightedness. That is the precise reason why our Founding Fathers wrote the US Constitution in such a way that government would be constrained by the principles within it. That is the reason that, though the people are granted individual freedoms, even they are restrained from developing a wayward majority that would demand something not allowed by the Constitution. We too, are bound by it's principles-and these are Judeo-Christian principles. They are not survival-of-the-fittest Darwinian principles or Hindu or Atheist or Agnostic principles. They are rights and values straight from the Bible and the core of these values cannot be separated from the framework of our nation. However, we must not make the mistake of assuming that the Founding Fathers intended to force Christianity or even personal Christian lifestyle choices on individual citizens. Indeed it is not possible to coerce faith or truly righteous behavior on another; God looks at the heart, and there isn't a law in the world that will cause a darkened heart to be made new or that can render one's good works anything more than "filthy rags". The pilgrims were fleeing mandates to ignore their own personal convictions in favor of those of England; and it is a society of LIBERTY that the Revolutionaries sought to instill in American culture-freedom to worship and pursue life and happiness without the interference of any government. The purpose of government, in this case, is to protect that liberty. It is to protect us from having our freedoms and rights snatched or slowly disintegrated by another, whether foreign or domestic. That includes things like violence against another person, theft and the like-not whether or not an individual decides to drink raw milk, wear a seatbelt, use contraception or home school his/her children. The purpose of government is not to make personal decisions for us or to protect us from ourselves.

When a government (composed, again, of flawed people) has the power to intervene in personal affairs that do not directly affect the life and liberty of others, all liberties are endangered. Certainly some were pleased to see a law passed prohibiting marijuana possession. They may be less appreciative of legislation forcing parents to submit their children to risky medical interventions or restricting the use of vitamin supplements that have been instrumental in healing what would otherwise be incurable health conditions-and this is actually happening right now. An Evangelical Christian may support the right of the Federal Government to make the adult consumption of adult pornography illegal. What happens when a few administrations down the road, the Bible is considered dangerous and divisive? It is not a matter of whether or not smoking weed or looking at porn is a good idea, but rather it is an argument of whether or not the Federal Government has the right and can be consistently trusted to intervene in the personal affairs of citizens. I submit to you the idea that God and families under his guidance do a much better job at this than detached politicians, who are frequently influenced by a number of conflicting interests.

It is also not a matter, when considering public welfare, of whether or not the legitimate poor need help. It is actually an issue of who's job it is to provide that assistance, and who would do it best. Remember, the government doesn't actually have money of it's own. It only has the money that it is given by or takes from it's people. It's more than an argument of whether or not the needy will be helped. It's a core issue of freedom, and a truly free nation cannot forcefully take money from one of it's citizens in order to meet the needs, however desperate, of another. You simply cannot use emotional, anecdotal arguments in violation of established, foundational principles in order to create policies-if you expect things to go well in the long term.

If God is the one who changes hearts and gives us the responsibility and right as individuals/families to steward our lives well and to care for the poor, if it is before Him that we will stand and give an account when our days on earth have come to completion, then it is not consistent with the Constitution or Christian values to just hand the government the general power and responsibility to manage these matters-even if we do agree with a point or two like that pornography feeds lust or that weed makes you lazy and paranoid. We are so blessed to be braced by a constitution that declares our God-given freedom to manage our own lives, our families and our communities in the ways that God shows and empowers us. There are answers to the "what ifs" and legitimate practical concerns, as well as plans to ease transitions in policy. Let's not be tempted to threaten our future freedoms (including the freedom to worship God and spread the Gospel openly) by giving elected leaders, even the occasional principaled and honest ones, room to encroach on our liberty in their innate human frailty. As you prepare to vote for our next president, please consider not only the candidates who would vainly attempt to have virtue legislated, but also the only man in the running who has a long and consistent record of honoring the God-inspired constitution on which our great nation was founded.

Ron Paul 2012.

More info:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EMBffxDYXE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BFLRssmEZ8&sns=fb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Rv0Z5SNrF4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fOUb9YZYUM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-E9lRK_310&feature=autoplay&list=PL8C7C1AD3431BA379&lf=results_video&playnext=2

http://wi.rlc.org/2011/12/ron-paul-or-bust-an-ultimatum-to-all-republicans/

http://video.foxbusiness.com/v/1341058115001/

http://www.fox19.com/story/16327085/reality-check-are-ron-pauls-views-on-israel-misguided-and-extreme

http://www.amazon.com/Revolution-Manifesto-Ron-Paul/dp/0446537519

http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/01/06/3641207/evangelicals-turning-from-perry.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D76lQG2Ips&feature=share

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCNWGG0xoEQ&feature=youtu.be

The Bible

Intense

2011-05-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

I have been described as intense.

And I really can be exhausting.

Even to me.

But this is the thing:

There is so much happening in the world. So much suffering and deceit and INJUSTICE.

AND I CAN'T NOT CARE!!!

I have my moments of levity, to be sure. My kids are hilarious and life is BEAUTIFUL.

I occasionally (I'm ashamed to admit) even get distracted by celebrity nonsense.

But for the most part, I just can't seem to stop thinking and questioning and learning, which frequently leads to passionate activism in soooo many things, frequently the kinds of things that the average person doesn't acknowledge the significance of.

Lately I've been particularly concerned about the following things: sex trafficking, drug industry corruption, government corruption and control, hyperinflation, threats to informed health consent, free access to the unadulterated foods of one's choice, the glamorization of teen pregnancy and FDA seizures of BIRTH TUBS, for the love!!!

I realize that I am called to trust in the Lord and not be anxious...and I'm working on that.

I know that I'm not in control and that I can't save the world.

I know that it's not bad to care and that passion is a gift.

But it must be tempered by faith and the humility which recognizes God's sovereignty and my extreme limitations.

And I'm struggling there.

To trust God and not to be afraid.

To remember that life is hard. It always has been and always will be in this life-from one generation to the next, even if injustice surfaces in slightly different ways throughout the years.

To care, and to do what I feel called to and yet to REST in God's love and will-even if that means something that I don't want it to.

But sometimes I just feel like a rampaging elephant in need of a subgluteal tranquilizer.

And that's where I am tonight.

Eavesdropping

2011-05-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

Jocelynn: "I'm going to live with Mommy forever!"

Cole: "You can't. But I'm not going to get married because I want to have alone time. And drink Coke."

Jocelyn: "Cole, do you know how much sugar is in Coke?!"

Cole: "Who cares. Your name is Butt."

Oh yeah, this is why...

2011-02-24T13:18:00.001-08:00

We've FINALLY gotten into the swing of the Charlotte Mason method of home education.

It takes 1.5-2 hours to finish all our work and move on to chores, outings, play dates and other activities.

Except today.

It's been 5.5 hours since we began schooling on and off and we're still not done.

But the persistant whining out of my daughter and the impatience and unloving attitude from me in response-the causes of our tardiness in completing the days lessons, have provided an invaluable and sobering opportunity for my daughter and I to really face our humanity.

Our weaknesses.

And to learn from them.

To grow closer to God.

And to each other.

And I was provided an opportunity that would not be so readily available to me were my daughter not with me for the majority of her day...

The chance to recognize her folly right away.

To stop what we were doing.

Right then.

Even though it was inconvenient.

And to work through the issues of our hearts that were the source of our lack of grace and love toward eachother.

Jocelynn's prideful lack of obedience and rebellious and ungateful heart.

And my equally prideful disregard for her feelings, my impatience, and lack of grace.

So we stopped what we were doing and I reminded her that she was not only disobeying me by refusing to do her work with a cheerful heart or at all, but that she was disobeying God in doing so. Because God put me in charge of her.

AND

I declared that I had sinned against her and God as well, my disgusted attitude and tone an obvious expression of my lack of humility about my own sinfulness, which catalyzed my completely ungracious reaction to hers.

And then I asked her to forgive me.

We held eachother and we prayed, confessing our shortcomings to eachother and to God, asking for the strength to act righteously and treat eachother with respect and love.

We discussed how we all struggle to do what is right.

And how not one of us is good enough to earn our own salvation or even to maintain it.

We all need God.

Strong willed little girls.

Know-it-all mammas.

And everyone in beween.

I am reminded of why we do things that way that we do.

And I am grateful that I am with my children more than I am without them.

That I get to train them continuously at this tender and fleeting point in their lives.

That though I struggle to be as consistent with discipline as I ought to, being with my kids so much affords me the opportunity to constantly point them in the right direction, quickly correcting their errors in judgement and rejoicing when they make wise choices.

Screwing up, repenting and experiencing the miracle of forgiveness right along with them.

So more than all of the academic and social considerations that have influenced our educational lifestyle.

I realize once again that THIS is why I homeschool.

Tired

2010-10-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

My brain is fried.

And my heart is sad.

I am so sick of defending myself as a sane, intelligent, and sincere person despite some of the "ignorant and selfish" lifestyle choices I make-much less of fighting for the right to make those decisions in the first place.

Do these people have any idea how HARD it is to constantly swim against the current?

How grave and sobering it is to research and analyze and pray and weep for months over something like whether or not to vaccinate your kids-and then find yourself quite alone in the place your logic and prayer takes you?

And to then be accused of being negligent or "anti-science" by those who do not know you or have an accurate understanding of your point of view?

It sucks.

And it hurts.

And it seems as though it's getting to the point now that it's not enough just to ridicule opinions or lifestyle decisions that differ from those of the mainstream.

There is a frantic, mob-like attitude brewing amongst those who've learned just enough to become presumptuous and hostile.

And they are perceiving those who oppose genetic engineering, who challenge mandatory vaccination, or who advocate the integration of alternative medicine as a threat to "progress"-as if nature is so inherently foolish that there couldn't possibly such a thing as taking technology too far.

They have begun to suggest that people like me should be "stopped".

And in spite of all my self absorbed insecurities and introspective woes, for all our sakes, this is what concerns me the most.

A Letter to My Midwife

2010-08-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

I always knew that my midwife was an adept and kind caregiver.

However, recently I have begun to realize just how great a treasure you are to me-to a world where compassion for birthing mothers can easily be lost in the tangled cords of automated fetal heart monitors and IV lines.

You spent a great deal of time with me, as much as I needed.

You listened to me.

You offered your capable hands and empathetic heart to a weak and vulnerable young woman.

You respected me.

And taught me to stand.

To think.

To trust.

Your wisdom guarded me through valid concerns.

And your patience lovingly endured my irrational fears.

You had as much gentleness and humility when you helped me wash my hair after the birth of my daughter as you had mastery of clinical skill when you palpated her position in utero.

You didn't just help me give birth.

You helped to make me a competent and kindhearted adult.

A woman.

A mother.

Thank You.

My Nemesis

2010-08-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

I write this evening victoriously,

With bloated ego and triumphant scorn,

Lacking in both humility and prudent restraint.

For I have vanquished my enemy

Without the hindrance of maternal council

Or "reliable" recipe.

With my God given intellect and superior skill,

I have overcome my foe in a 9 inch pan of stainless steel glory.

Finally.

Gooey and balanced,

Spicy and warm,

I have won.

Up yours apple pie.

Why?

2010-08-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

I leaned over to turn on the bathwater for my son tonight and I smelled poop.

And not just poop, BUTT.

I've gotten pretty good at detecting the faintest trace of it, you know.

So I sniffed around a bit and realized it was on the shower curtain somewhere but I couldn't see anything.

I continued to investigate until I found the corner of fabric it had to be on, and then identified a slight yellowish brown streak which would be imperceptible to the untrained eye.

Then I asked Cole about it and he confessed, sort of.

He said, "It was probably me.....or daddy".

Beauty

2010-07-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

I wonder who it was that decided that nursing mommy boobs displayed atop teenage abdominals, set into prepubescent hips was the epitome of beauty...

Don't get me wrong, that rare natural build is lovely.

But really, who has the authority or even the insight to designate a standard of comeliness from which women of all ages and walks of life are to be judged?

Stand outside of our current cultural definition of "perfection", what you see on billboards and in magazines...the face you grew up longing for or the body you've always felt inadequate for not having.

What is beauty?

Is it constituted of a radiant golden complexion? A rich, dark, espresso throat or ivory cheeks flushed crimson and dusted with freckles?

Is it best emanated in young alert breasts? Or those which slope elegantly, with maturity and grace?

Are minimal and gentle or abundant curves a more aesthetic conception?

Why?

Is it wise to embrace individuality or is it preferable to reject one's own self in disdain, in favor of the fickle whims of strangers?

We have got to expel the oppressive, unrealistic ideals that have skewed our ability to discern the exquisite nature of God's diverse designs, reflections of Himself according to scripture!

For ourselves.

For our daughters and even for our sons, as they too are impacted plainly and indirectly by our socially acceptable self hatred and disgust with God's artistry.

Out of reverence for our Creator, the only one I can think of who is justly entitled to define what beauty truly is.

I Choose Food

2010-07-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

I counted calories for the first time a few months ago, after I'd gained 15 pounds due to a sluggish thyroid and taxed adrenal glands.

I counted, not with the intention of doing anything about it, but out of curiosity.

I found that on that particular day I'd consumed roughly 3,000 calories. That's about twice the calories a 5 foot 1 inch tall woman needs to maintain a body with curves of moderate generosity.

I laughed.

I have a feeling that number wasn't a good representation of my daily eating habits because if this had been the case I'd have been overweight long before the thyroid problems. But it was amusing.

So anyway, I decided to restrict my caloric intake to lose weight and I learned to be very conscious of how much I ate.

Too conscious.

I would deprive myself consistently of the satisfaction of even nutritious calories if they exceeded the arbitrary number that some google search spit out as a formula for skinny success for a woman of my height.

I did not lose a pound.

Once my thyroid straightened out I actually magically lost all 15 pounds in a few weeks without even trying. My hormones are now balanced and I have been well for several months.

I eat healthy foods for the most part and have maintained my weight with relative ease. I do occasionally gorge myself on things I don't buy but encounter at social functions and indulge in "unnecessary richness" from time to time. But in general I eat well.

At some point after losing the weight I decided I wanted to look like Jillian Michaels.

I wanted even to just look like 18 year old childless me.'

I devised a plan to workout intensively 5 days a week and eat 1200 calories a day until I looked like a bad ass.

But you know what?

I am not 18 year old childless me. I am the proud 27 year old mother of 2 children who have changed my body and my heart forever.

I am not Jillian Michaels or any other fitness instructor who enjoys and is paid to exercise for hours and hours every single day.

And I like to eat.

I like to eat whole, satisfying, fresh, spicy, creamy, real food. Until I'm full. And sometimes I'm going to eat a little more than I should. I'm just being honest.

I exercise at least 3 times a week, have an active lifestyle, and I am aware of my body and what I put into it.

I also have a naturally curvy build.

I've thought about it and considered what I am willing to sacrifice and what I'm not.

And I've decided to be content with the results my healthy, deliberate, enjoyable, and well prioritized lifestyle offers me.

I choose food.

Why "Organic" is Important to Me

2010-06-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

The following post is actually an email I recently sent to a cherished friend in response to an innocent, yet loaded question she posed as we strolled the aisles of Costco together,"Why do you spend so much money to buy organic food?". I spent so much time on the email and I hear this question so frequently that I've decided to post my response as a blog. But before I do that I must interject the fact that, while I pay more for many items, I still spend only $500 a month to feed a family of 4 (my kids eat a TON) 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, all month long minus one meal out-and I usually have leftovers to freeze and share. I'd say about 85% of what we eat is organic but the exact percentage varies depending on where we are, who we're with, my budget, and how well (or poorly!) I've planned. Admittedly, it is still often more expensive to purchase organic rather than conventionally produced foods and it requires careful planning to stay within a budget. Here's why I bother:

Dear *Curious Friend*,

I was thinking about what you asked today about organic food, about why it's important to me. I know you may have just been talking and not necessarily looking for an actual answer. But I have one for you anyway ;)

In a nutshell, the reason I make organic, whole foods a priority is that as I have studied all this, considered how the character of God may play in, and sought Him about it, I have developed some philosophies that guide and even drive me to make certain conscious decisions about the things my family eats. I not only reason that these principles are true and reliable, but I also have a strong conviction from the Lord to live by them as a good steward of this body He has put me in and those precious ones entrusted to my care.

These ideas are supported by science, prayerfully examined, and in my opinion make good common sense. The 2 points that stand out the most and best summarize what I try (and in my humanity, fail) to live by are these:

1. Foods are most beneficial and most easily assimilated by the body when they are as close to their natural state as possible. Conversely, the more processed a food, the more harmful it is, as well as difficult for the body to effectively process.

This applies to organic vs. conventionally produced foods for a number of reasons (many actually supported by Levitical law!) including the fact that conventionally grown/produced foods contain significant amounts of a number of synthetic substances, many which are universally recognized as being toxic to humans and the environment. I think it's also important to remember that "organic" is not some fancy trend, it's the way foods have been grown throughout human history until very recently.

2. Most chronic diseases can be directly linked to, in the words of the late Dr. Max Gerson, "toxicity and deficiency". In other words, many of the illnesses we suffer from can be correlated to a lack of the things (nutrition) that we need and an overload of substances (and excessive stress) which are toxic to the human body. These conditions lead to a scenario in which there is inadequate support for and an unnatural strain on the extraordinary, deliberate and intelligently designed immune system.

This is relevant to the issue at hand because the methods used to produce organic foods result in higher nutrient contents than those found in conventionally produced foods. This nutrition more adequately vitalizes the immune system while avoiding the significant and undo stress to the body caused by the hazardous substances used in the conventional production of foods. I guess this idea is a little more research based because it's a bit less obvious and requires some more foundational principles in order to stand firmly. But for me right now, with what I reason to be true and believe about the way God created us, it is a solid, sensible, inspired precept. And if I accept this idea and follow it to it's logical conclusion then I am left with the opinion that food can make you sick (by suppressing the immune system or otherwise) and it can make you well (by restoring the balance necessary for the body to overcome disease). From the flu to cancer. And *Curious Friend*, my personal experiences and the "impossible" accounts I have witnessed have done little but further convince me of these things.

There are lots of questions naturally incited by the statements I've made and there are just as many rational explanations. I've asked the questions and I've spent years searching and questioning, from the FDA to the conspiracy theorist to the 80 year old man who's seen a lot. And here I am.

So that's why :)

Just in case you want to humor me further, here's a really factual and informative book on the subject, written by an investigative journalist:
http://www.hundredyearlie.com/

That is all.

*Me*

The Perils of Group Exercise

2010-06-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to Amy Bowling

I have officially reached my thresh hold of tolerance for humiliation in dance-happy group exercise classes.

Oh, Zumba.

Oh, Turbo Kick.

Why do you taunt with your complex kick-punch combinations, and ridicule me with your pelvic thrusts?

How are you so relentless and brilliant at devising endless new sequences of elaborate choreography?

You see Zumba, when I shake my thing like that, the shock waves of gluteal magnificence are just too much for the innocent participants behind me. Although I can't say the nosy power lifters smirking from the other side of the glass wall don't deserve what they get.

And Turbo Kick, I can't even view the the ~~exhibitionist~~ instructor through your throngs of kick boxing stay-at-home-moms, not that I can adequately mimic her performance anyway.

So I am off to my loyal hand weights...to the humble stepmill...where I will once again gather my strength.

And my dignity.

Who's Informing You?

2010-05-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

Dr. Beatrice Golomb delivers a concise explanation of how drug industry conflicts of interest effect not only what is published in medical journals (which influence how physicians practice) but how practitioners of conventional medicine are educated in the first place. The implications of these realities are profound and the facts discussed in these videos are important to be aware of. In fact, if you desire to be an informed consumer, understanding these truths will make all the difference in the world.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Barry

2010-03-06T12:56:00.000-08:00

A Smile.
Slight, reserved,
sincere,
and a heart that was fierce.

Passion.
Radiant, relentless,
inspired,
consumed like a fire.

To rescue.
To revive.
To protect.

This is love.

Sometimes misunderstood.

You'd have saved us all if only you could.

A Crunchy Kid's Thoughts on Raw Garlic

2010-02-21T19:36:00.000-08:00

"I wuv this soooo much, mucher than broccowi."

Dear Herbert,

2010-02-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you are aware that drug companies are publicly traded and have a financial obligation to themselves and their shareholders. The drug /healthcare industry spent 1.5 billion dollars on lobbying from 1998-2008*. They contribute funds to medical schools and spend billions of dollars every year in advertising to the general public*. Western medicine is defined by it’s dependence on drugs and surgery. Aspiring doctors do not receive well-rounded, unbiased training in all the options of Natural Medicine, Eastern and Western philosophies and just happen to all make the educated choice that the Allopathic way is the best option. They aren’t taught anything else. Therefore conventional medicine and the practitioners thereof tend to be biased toward the drug and surgery model of care because of their lack of education on other models and automatically reject anything else as “quackery”. The “peers” reviewing drug studies are chosen by the study’s sponsor*. In fact, it is the drug industry itself that funds and performs the studies that “prove” their products are safe and effective. Then they present their findings to carefully selected individuals, government officials and an FDA panel that can be comprised of individuals with stock in the very companies whose drugs they review*. Science will never be objective as long as there is money involved to this degree and the systems in place remain as they are. Studies can be manipulated and observed in such a way as to get the desired results. It’s really not that hard. The studies for the most part are coming from the money, this huge network of entities with conflicting interests, inherently incapable of impartiality. Vaccines do make money. The government might give them away but, in general, the pharmaceutical companies don’t. And of course, American tax dollars pay for the government “freebies”.

As I’m sure you know, mercury is not the only possible culprit in autism, among other vaccine side effects; though "mercury-fee" vaccines can still technically contain under a certain amount of thimerosal*. But then there’s aluminum, sodium hydroxide, antifreeze, the adjuvant squalene, and foreign genetic material the virus was cultured on also present in the average shot. These and numerous other vaccine ingredients are established toxins. Many accumulate in the brain, possibly causing a serious reaction in a genetically or otherwise vulnerable child*. Vaccination is also different from natural immunity in that an unnaturally large amount of virus is introduced directly to the bloodstream rather than the body’s first line of defense, mucus membranes. The amount of vaccine administered to neurologically and immunologically vulnerable infants all at one time undoubtedly puts an undue strain on the immune system in general, leaving individuals more susceptible to absolutely anything else they might encounter*. We cannot assume that bypassing the natural order of things is without consequence, particularly considering that there is so much yet to be understood about the intricacies of nature; and the complex reactions and long term effects of synthetic substances in the human body.

There is a shocking shortage of studies that utilize a proper control group, completely unvaccinated children. The findings of one such rare study published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology in April 2005 concluded that unvaccinated children suffered significantly less atopic illness than those who were partially or fully vaccinated. In fact, the more highly vaccinated a group, the more allergies, asthma, eczema, and hay fever were observed. All vaccines on the childhood immunization schedule have yet to be tested all together for their long term effects on children. No one can say for sure what synergistic reactions and cumulative effects this concoction is having on this generation of young people; receiving dozens more shots in their first few years than those a generation before them. Side effects might even be expressed in the host of chronic diseases increasingly afflicting our population*, a presentation easily and perhaps conveniently missed by short-term studies.

The theory of “Herd Immunity” suggests that a highly vaccinated population is able to provide protection for those who are not able to be vaccinated by reducing the presence/spread of a particular virus within the population*. It must be noted that vaccine acquired illnesses and diseases encountered naturally have significantly different effects on the body in a number of ways and support of the Herd Immunity Theory is insufficient when it is based on naturally acquired disease. This theory is also challenged by the idea that vaccinated populations can still carry the same bacteria and viruses in and on their bodies as their unvaccinated counterparts, suggesting that vaccines alone may not eradicate an illness. In fact, significant positive changes in sanitation, nutrition, and living conditions occurred in close correlation to the fall of many infectious diseases before the introduction of mass vaccination programs, suggesting that the decline may not be accredited to the widespread use of shots at all*. In any case, mandating one risk over another for individuals is questionably ethical, especially in light of the shortage of unbiased safety information and copious alternatives ignored by conventional medicine.

Families of injured and killed children have been paid almost 2 billion dollars since the government started the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program*, which effectively takes much responsibility for the perils of vaccines out of the hands of the drug industry. It is estimated by some,including The NVIC's Barbara Loe Fisher, that the number of families compensated for loss probably represent a fraction of vaccine related deaths and injuries* since technicalities make the process difficult for families and rule out significant conditions that the program is liable for. In addition, many physicians (perhaps due to the profession’s partiality to and trust in a drug-dependent model of care) are inherently likely to channel their suspicions elsewhere and attribute apparent vaccine side effects to other causes including catch-all syndromes such as SIDS. There is mounting evidence in opposition to both the safety and effectiveness of vaccines, just little that is considered “credible” as defined by those entangled in the drug industry’s web of conflicting interests.

There are alternatives to vaccines that Western medicine does not even acknowledge. The Western way is not all there is in the world and it is arguable whether or not it is best. There are methods and substances used effectively to both prevent and treat disease. Many of these are risk-free and inexpensive options. Even revising the vaccine schedule can decrease risk and provide an alternative, according to Dr. William Sears and other proponents of this practice*. It is arrogant and dangerous to think that what we know and do here and now is the best and only way.

Yes, people are people and everyone does have their own interests. That is why all sides should be evaluated carefully. But I ask you, in general, who has more potential for devious motives; a movement consisting primarily of concerned parents, nonprofit organizations, scientists ostracized for thinking outside the box, and doctors willing to lose respect and their jobs to stand up for what they believe in, or an industry of publicly traded companies that influences every other powerful organization and are amongst the most profitable corporations on the face of the earth today*? Jenny McCarthy is a far cry from a medical professional but so are the countless other celebrities who utilize their status to raise awareness about various issues. The fact that anyone other than an expert on a cause would advocate it does not invalidate the cause itself.

There’s no such thing as a risk-free choice here. That is why families deserve the freedom to inform themselves and choose the risks they can deal with. It is reckless and irresponsible to just take another’s word for it when it comes to such a serious issue, Jenny McCarthy’s, Paul Offit’s, or the Orgy of Powers that advocate the monopoly of conventional medicine. We should choose not by default, in ignorance or paranoia but with deliberation and intellect. Not in fear of man or medicine or disease but with thoughtfulness and sober rationality.

http://www.rd.com/your-america-inspiring-people-and-stories/lobbyings-long-arm/article108833.html
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080105140107.htm
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/info/glossary
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/03/AR2007020300276.html
http://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVaccines/SafetyAvailability/VaccineSafety/ucm096228.htm
http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/groundbreaking-primate-study-links-mercury-vaccine-preservative-to-brain-injury-63157992.html
http://www.ei-resource.org/articles/gulf-war-syndrome-articles/how-vaccinations-work/
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/06/27/chronic_illnesses_on_rise_study_says/
http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/herd%20immunity
http://www.hrsa.gov/Vaccinecompensation/statistics_report.htm
http://www.nvic.org/
http://www.askdrsears.com/default.asp
http://www.whale.to/a/bystrianyk3.html
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/vsus.htm
http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/

A Curious Obsession

2009-12-07T17:58:00.000-08:00

My five year old likes my butt.

She thinks it's big.

And funny.

And she's always talking about it, describing and explaining it's intricacies.

Just the other day after fervently vocalizing her affections for my glutes, she implanted her face in one of it's cheeks and sort of smooshed her face back and forth in it's gelatinous glory.

Really.

My favorite of my sweet girl's statements so far is this one:

"Mommy. Your booty is big. I have a 'hypoposis'. Maaaaybe the fat makes it fatter and then it goes out bigger sideways. Maybe."

May. Be.

What's in my Head

2009-12-02T08:05:00.001-08:00

I'm tired of communicating poorly.

I'm sick of being brash and pissing people off.

I don't want to hurt anybody.

And I've had it with wanting these things for the wrong reasons...so that people will like me instead of because I truly trust God and am humble in my opinions. Or so that I can be more "effective" and be RIGHT instead of just loving people and caring what happens to them!

I want to believe the right things and then say the right things in the right way for the right reasons!!!

Pride Again

2009-11-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

How pitiful it is that I can scarcely see my own shortcomings until they are mirrored by someone else. And worse still that I struggle to be merciful to those who are very much like myself!

I am prideful. I am defensive. I am offensive. After all this time I am still angry as a subconcious safeguard...because I am afraid. I am afraid because I have not ceased to think that only I know what is best and can save myself and everyone else. Because, once again, I am prideful.

How wretched I am to see just well enough to recognize that I am blind and full of fault!

God help me so that instead of scrambling in futility to modify my words and behavior, grace, peace and humility may flow freely and easily from a changed heart!

This is the only way that authentic, enduring transformation is possible and after 2 years of striving on my own that is clear to me. It is only further pride to think that I can repair myself.

God has the power and to Him be the glory.

Quote of the Day

2009-10-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, why do your breasts 'lean' like that, lean down?"

Just laugh.

Sweet Boy

2009-10-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

Jocelynn: "Cole, your breaf stinks."

Cole: "No it doesn't, it smells like garlic."

Ode to a House on Bedford Lane

2009-09-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

Goodbye **** Bedford Lane.

I will dead end into your domain no more, nor enter your storm doors bearing leftover lasagna, good news, bitterness, or tears. Your irradiated-buttery kitchen walls will never again envelope me in the culinary delights of Nutella and lactose-free milk. Your stained, tan carpet will not patiently sustain my children's sticky, crawling fingers and oozing diapers. Your fence will no longer contain the sounds of their laughter or complaints of heatstroke and mosquitos.

Your halls are bare now, and your vacant ceilings soar silently above.

I did not relish packing your contents, emptying your innards, and eating pizza every day for a week.

It's over now and I will endure without you. Thank you for safeguarding the Bowling family and for always welcoming mine.

Goodbye Bedford Lane.

Goodbye.

Bedbugs

2009-09-04T11:08:00.001-07:00

A few years ago a flea infestation immersed my reality into a whirlpool of contempt and hostility that I have never known. I didn't realize I had the capacity for such vehement hatred toward a bug.

Such intense passion may seem bizarre to you if you have never been the victim of such ruthless assault as I have.

But if you have shared some of my experiences, perhaps the scorn I describe is familiar.

An old friend of mine has recently discovered that her apartment is crawling (or rather hiding) with bedbugs.

They are not the mythical antagonists of lighthearted bedtime benedictions.

They are small, flat insects that tuck themselves away in your home until you are sound asleep. Late, late at night they prowl beneath your sheets and puncture your tender skin with their vicious mouths and drink of your liquid vitality.

My friend spoke, this afternoon, with unbridled fervor on the subject of these bugs. She told of the "shameful" creatures, hiding in wait for her blood. She described her vulnerability in slumber as they ambush and violate her and her children, of her fear to sleep or even go home...of the creature's unyielding resistance to traditional bugsprays...and even of the audacity of the expression "Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite", condemning the words as vicious, abominable and inappropriate.

I recommended an inexpensive and nontoxic remedy to her "situation". She flew to the nearest farm/feed store and purchased every accessory to the diatomaceous earth I advised her to purchase. She gleefuly spent 4 times the amount necessary to acquire extensive insecticidal paraphernalia to enhance the killing experience.

The formerly discouraged woman glowed and shivered in anticipation of her revenge. She fantasized twirling and dancing in the magic dust that would meet the bedbugs with their doom. She declared what a glorious day it is and chatted with excitement about her vengence. She longed for a mask and painter's suit to adorn her ectatic frame with so that she could rub the diatomacious earth on her body and roll around gratefully in it on the carpet. Although the termination of bedbugs requires but a modest dusting of DE, she insisted that the entire bag will be empty. But her heart will be full.

Go get 'em Marla.

10 pounds

2009-08-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

So it has occured to me recently that the "increasing bulk" of my limbs (and so forth) may have less to do with my moderate weight training and more to do with my incessant low blood sugar that drives me to consume sufficient calories throughout the day, then dinner, a snack, "second dinner" (right before bed) and another "snack" sometime between 4 and 6 in the morning. Hmmmm....

A 5 Year Old "Morning Person" Explains Herself

2009-08-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

"When my eyes open, I just have to get up. It's my body's rule."

Abilify

2009-07-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

***This rant is absolutely NOT against individuals making thoughtful choices for their own lives. Depression can be serious and even life threatening and whether one chooses to treat it with drugs, counseling, herbs, homeopathy or anything else, it is ultimately their responsibility and choice. I am however, speaking out against the general corruption in the pharmaceutical industry and the ironies I perceive in the effects of this particular medication. Antidepressants are not a cure-all and as with any treatment whether natural or man-made, it is wise to weigh the benefits against the risks, taking into account the factors unique to every situation before making a decision. I would also like to disclose the fact that I endured untreated clinical depression for years and I know the crippling torment entailed. I wish I'd had the tools and support to inform myself of my various options and plan a route to recovery much sooner than I did. And that is my hope for everyone who suffers from this debilitating affliction.***

This video is meant to advertise the new-ish antidepressant drug Abilify, but is so ridiculous in my opinion(unless you can only hear the reassuring background music and see the smiling faces in the commercial), it accomplishes just the opposite. This product condemns its own self even in the hands of the most sophisticated and manipulative marketing geniuses in the world today.

(Don't be lulled into a trance by the compelling sounds and hopeful images that actually have NOTHING AT ALL to do with the actual product! Instead LISTEN with your ears and THINK with your brain!

DixieCricket's translation summary: Drug Industry here; Depression medication fails to help most people, but instead of ceasing to take (or more accurately, BUY) the medicine we make, add (I mean PURCHASE) another drug to the side-effect laden concoctions that are already not working for you. Your depression may WORSEN upon inclusion of our medicine into your "health" regimen. You may even consider suicide or risk various kinds of impairment or death as a result of a number of possible complications that may arise from the use of this drug. Ask your pharmaceutical-industry-funded-medical-school-educated doctor what his drug rep will give him if he writes you a prescription-I mean, IF ABILIFY IS RIGHT FOR YOU!!!

Greeting

2009-07-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

"How are you?"

"Good, how are you?"

"Good."

"Good."

A Broken System and the Cascade of Intervention

2009-06-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

When I encounter a woman who chooses an elective cesarean or who understands and prefers the Medical Model of Care over a more holistic one, I can respect her as an individual although my inclinations differ. It has taken me time to come to this place and I am compelled to admit that my heart cannot always align with what my intellect has chosen as my official perspective on the subject!
But I am "okay" (as if it's my business not to be) when a woman opts for the conventional maternity care route.

But when I see a woman who wholeheartedly desires a natural birth-for the physical benefits, emotional, mental-whatever, and then chooses a caregiver and/or birth setting that isn't consistant with her birth philosophy or conducive to her birth plan my heart plummets! Because in such a situation it is highly unlikely that this woman will be satisfied with what has the potential to be one of the most transformative and sacred experiences of her life! And introduces a lot of unnecessary risk to herself and her child. To me this is very distressing. And this sort of woman has a world more potential for disasterous dissapointment than the woman who didn't value the natural process to begin with. And, as always, I am not disparaging the truly medically necessary interventions including the c-sections that should comprise no more than 10-15% of births (the US is currently at more than 30%).

So I tread a fine line of attempting to communicate this to a woman while being cautious not to overstep my boundaries which vary depending on my relationship with the person. Aaaahhhhh!!!

So anyway, here's a poem I wrote when a relative stranger (don't even bother trying to guess who because you won't) seeking a natural birth experienced a typical cascade of unnecesary interventions that resulted in a cesarean.

A powerful woman
Bows her crown
Defeat-laced joy is spilling down

Able body broken
Passion quelled
Ransacked and overwhelmed

Gratitude, confusion, love, grief...
Indignation or relief?

Advocate or Hindrance?
Fascist or Friend?

When will this derangement end?

http://www.ican-online.org/

http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10456
http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10163#model

I Am Not An Athlete

2009-06-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

I arrived at the YMCA today inquisitive, with a vague sense of dread.

I have recently determined that I need a little less muscle building and a bit more fatburning in my workout regimen.

Strength training makes me feel vigorous and somewhat competent.

But I hate cardio.

I don't like it when my heart beats too fast for extended periods of time and I do not relish gasping for breath.

I am not particularly coordinated.

And PE is my lifelong foe.

So why did I replace my Flex class today with "Sports Conditioning"?

Maybe it's the increasingly apparent bulk of my upper arms contrasted against my abbreviated stature that prompted me to seek an alternative form of exercise.

Or that fresh shadow of a dimple on the front (yes, the FRONT) of my left thigh that faintly resembles cellulite.

Perhaps simple curiosity tempted me to venture out into the realm of kettle balls, sprints and various other mechanisms of torment.

I will never know.

But there I fumbled, desperate and red faced, on that open theatre of an aerial track, an awkward spectacle for every iron pumping pubescent boy and middle-aged elliptical trotting woman to behold.

Jump rope tangled in my matted ponytail...hot, stolen breath...wild, wretched eyes rolled backward...tripping over cruel devices implemented to inhibit the possibility of good form-or pride.

Never Again.

Trial

2009-04-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

I'm burning alive
As my heart is refined
The sting is profound
But you're opening my eyes

And I'm not in control
So I'm letting go
Of the pride that denied
That you are enough

Whatever it takes
I'm prostrate, on my face
I will hope in you
And I will wait

Sin

2009-04-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have been suffering lately with anxiety and an unfocused mind that prompts even more worry.

The more I seek God and receive wisdom from people I trust the more I am realizing how much MY OWN SIN plays into these things.

Yes, there have been circumstances beyond my control that have contributed to my distress. It is only natural to have an emotional response to certain types of situations.

Yes, everyone's mind wanders at times.

But ultimately after initial emotions are dealt with the issue becomes one of trusting God. And I have a hard time trusting anybody. I have taken it to the extent that I want to control everything and everybody and I realize that I deep down have not believed that God truly does "work all things together for the good of those who love him". So I freak out and and fear all the things that could happen instead of just using wisdom in life and trusting that God knows what He's doing. Because I think I can do better.

This is PRIDE.

And having a disciplined mind is VITAL to staying (or getting) "on track" in life and not getting too caught up in ourselves and our thoughts and problems. I have allowed myself too become "morbidly introspective" and lost control over my thoughts. I have become overwhelmed by what is going on in my mind and it has only aggravated the anxiety I have experienced. I have given too much of my time to ME.

This is SELFISHNESS and a LACK OF SELF CONTROL.

As I have repented for the sins behind my symptoms I am finally finding peace and rest. Not immediately and not every moment. I am fighting. But God has been merciful to forgive and faithful to impart me with the grace I need during this time.

I am learning things that I don't think I could have any other way.

And I am grateful that God loves me enough to do what is necessary to get me on my knees and teach me to abide in Him.

That's where I am.

Homeschool

2009-04-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to homeschool my kids.

Actually, I loved the idea of it before my first child was born and I began to doubt that I could be a "stay-at-home-mom" at all, for any length of time. If I'd had more than a degree in "practical(ly no)" theology and an employer other than the Olive Garden, I doubt I would have lasted through 6 weeks of maternity leave.

But our fate unfurled as it did and inspite of myself, here I am.
We started out, the three of us, living debt free on $10.50 an hour and today we are 4 (with a higher income and ironically, more debt than I care to admit) in our little suburban home. And I am still a fulltime wife, mother, and homemaker who cannot fathom these tender years without my babies continually at my side and in my arms.

Now our oldest is almost 5 and the prospect of kindergarten implores us to evaluate the "education situation" and make a choice.

There are those who encourage us to enroll our children in school, so they may be socialized and educated by well qualified proffessionals, as well as allow them to be a biblical "light in the darkness".

Others insist that homeschooling is the only way to raise a well-rounded, Godly child, protected from the corruption of the world and instructed in the ways of the Lord.

This is what we want for our children:

We want them to be taught at the very least, minimum state requirements for education.
To feel safe and and loved.
To learn about the world in context of what we believe and age appropriately (as determined by my husband and I) introduced to an array of belief systems and concepts that we may and may not agree with.
We desire that they be exposed in the same manner to all kinds of people from diverse age groups and backgrounds-and that they continue to be a positive influence wherever they go and whomever they encounter.

When they are grown we want them to be loving, well educated, kind, influential individuals who use their gifts for the glory of God.

So what does that mean for our family, right now?

Well, I don't know what we'll be doing in 10 or even 5 years.
But right now we think and feel that our daughter will not be ready, at 5 years old to be a "light in the darkness" to the degree that would be necessitated by her attendance in full time school, 7 hours a day. We feel she needs more of a foundation in love and truth and the security of her home before we will expect her to minister to others in that sort of capacity.
Although in a sense I dread the work involved with educating her myself I reason that with the help of family, curriculums and coops I am well equipped to do so. And I hope by making learning a natural part of life, intergrating concepts into all we do (in addition to the formal lessons that will vary according to age and other considerations), she will develop a lifelong love of it, rather than a distaste or aversion.
She will continue to socialize with individuals of all ages, under my watchful eye and be given freedom and responsibility as she shows the maturity and competence to handle it. She will make mistakes, and I understand that is a part of life. But I hope and believe that if she is well prepared for life's challenges she will be more likely to exercise good judgement and minimize poor choices.
Maybe she will attend public school when she's 12 or 16...or maybe she'll live at home throughout college.
I don't know.
There are a lot of factors that play into all this.
And every child is different.
I don't want to insert mine or anybody else's into a formula.

I know that I cannot produce perfect children.
And I know that I can't really know for sure what is best!
But neither can anybody else.
We all just do the best we can.

That's all we can do.

Mission Trip

2009-04-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

we danced like brazen harlequins
heralding our mighty ideas
singing impassioned tunes
with painted faces
to exploit the hope of the afflicted
to compell them to believe

our sincerity was deluded and we misled

we promised grace and love
we prayed and embraced and wept
and then we retreated to our former opulence
and abandoned them
to infirmity
to hunger
to poverty
to their mangled hearts and solitude

jesus saves

Gracious

2009-04-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

I just watched a video on youtube about the Duggars, a family with 18 biological children. It sounds so taboo, the life they've chosen...to expand their family without preconceived limit or reservation and to accept with grateful hearts each precious child God gives them.

Of course, that's not how everyone sees it.

And I don't have a well developed opinion on the matter as far as what is generally "right" or "wrong". But I can't deny that there is something special about these people. Their sincerity and the testimony of their effective, well adjusted, loving children call to my heart. I don't know what they're saying to me but the message melts something calloused and encourages me to seek and thank God more.

I think one of the things that strikes me most is how incredibly GRACIOUS these people are. They aren't stupid or oblivious to the disdainful crap, subtle or otherwise, that people give them. But they don't get indignant or defensive. Not only do they NOT get a bad attitude, they overflow with kindness and grace toward their most abrasive critics. Their lives speak so profoundly and effectually that they don't HAVE to say a word. So what they do communicate is pure love rather than self-absorbed vindication.

God, I want to be like that.

So Much

2009-03-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

Mommy: "I love you so much, Cole. Do you know how much?"

Cole: "Mmmm hmmm. Awot of muches."

Liquidation

2009-03-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sale.

Eh.

Clearance.

Yes, yeeees....

I am unimpressed by 25% off deals and Walmart's 29 cent "rollbacks".

My interest is aroused by numbers more like 50%.

75% is thrilling.

And the color red on signs and pricetags with magnificent numbers... or sometimes they're yellow...No matter. They call me. They NEED me...

When I start hearing "80% and 90% off the original price" I could lose my FREAKING MIND!!!

When stores are going out of business and all the poor dupes have made their 20% off purchases and there's only a day or 2 left...I'm ready. And dizzy-no, DRUNK with ecstasy. My soul is ALIVE.

The word "LIQUIDATION" does things to me...

Whew.

Kanye West

2009-03-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

I am half watching Kanye West perform on some live music show with Brandon.

Just when I begin to respect and empathize with the guy he keeps talking and I want to throw something at him.

I actually relate to him on a few levels other than the fact that we both tend to ramble uncontrollably like arrogant fools. I also "get" him in the sense that he is such an obvious mess but aspires to be better.
He is honest, yet guarded.
Passionate though defensive.
Unapologetic and still genuine.
And really he just seems heartbroken and dare I say...afraid?
Just like me.

And though most of our troubles originate in our mouths, we just can't seem to SHUT UP.

Thank GOD I am not famous and do not have so many opportunities to broadcast my ass as this wretched man.

Extreme

2009-03-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

I have many times, been warned by wise and loving authority figures in my life to avoid "extremes" in my life and choices.

That sounds good.

But what is extreme?

Is "extreme" screaming and physically attacking someone during an argument rather than expressing our point of view through carefully chosen, softly spoken words?

Is it painting a room fluorescent green instead of a muted olive?

Is it refusing to protect my children from fatal diseases by arrogantly and ignorantly rejecting culturally valued, safe and effective, lifesaving vaccinations based on irrational and unwarranted fears of minor and/or rare side effects?

Is it thwarting my children's social and educational development by withholding them from traditional school and weakly attempting to conjure up memories of first grade science thereby handicapping my coddled, overly dependent offspring and sentencing them to rely eternally on their codependent parents?

Perhaps someone with a different perspective may consider it extreme to inject their neurologically vulnerable children with toxic, synthetic chemicals manufactured by questionably ethical multibillion dollar drug companies and "mandated" by a government with a history of conflicting interests with such companies to the detriment of the American public (asbestos, tobacco, ddt) for fear of diseases which can often be prevented and/or treated using inexpensive, risk-free and commonsense means.

Maybe another parent would prefer to ignite and nurture their children's natural love of learning in the emotionally connected environment of their home rather than, for the majority of a child's waking hours, depending on persons who are essentially strangers to saturate a disproportionate ratio of tender minds with passionless information colored by the values of professional acquaintances that may be very different from the ideals of the family.

So which of these views is extreme?

I suppose it depends on a lot of factors that cannot be confined to a one-size-fits-all formula, the popular perceptions of a culture, or a judgemental diatribe.

If one's definition of "balance" in life is determined by what everybody else is doing then we are assuming that every prevailing option is flawless and universally applicable. That "a little bit of everything" makes for a good, circumspect lifestyle or decision. This logic denies that there are some alternatives in life that are outright defective-at least for some people.
And if an individual truly thinks through an issue, gathering information from all sides they may see fit to consider a less popular selection or dismiss a mainstream one.

If it is uncommon for people to scrutinize their options and make informed choices, then those who do and subsequently embrace something unconventional or reject certain culturally acceptable practices, may appear to be "extreme" by those who define this word in terms of what is most commonplace.

I am not claiming to have all things figured out. If you know me very well you are probably aware that I am shamefully ignorant about some very important issues.

I'm just saying that when we refer to a person or choice as "extreme" or conversely "balanced" we should first ask ourselves how we are defining these terms so as not to label someone as unreasonable and applaud our own good judgement just because, on a given issue we are in the majority and they are not.

What is extreme for one may be necessary for another depending on all kinds of factors.

And maybe we all (ESPECIALLY ME) should not label people or their choices at all.
But instead humbly and sincerely pursue our own balance, being grateful that we are NOT held liable for the decisions of others because it is considerable enough to bear our own load of personal responsibility without taking it upon ourselves to judge everybody else.

Facebook

2009-02-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Facebook.

Just another way for me to make an ass of myself.

A fresh dilemma exacerbated by the fact that my utterances now echo eternally in the vast expanses of the internet, multiplying infinitely the conceivable number of innocent people subjected to my indiscretion and grammatical errors.

And yet I can't stop typing.

Own

2009-02-26T10:15:00.000-08:00

What you did;
What you didn't;
Who you should have been;

What she said;
What he couldn't;
At least I'm not as bad as them.

What they might think;
What you don't know;
But no one understands...

Stop.

Breathe.

See.

This is about me.

"Phone Calls With Friends"

2009-02-21T03:39:00.000-08:00

My friend Niccole wrote this on her blog.
http://scattereditinerant.blogspot.com/

phone calls with friends

i'll dance if you want me to dance
sing that song you used to love
my hair will fall around me
the chill will leave the air
when you find what you've lost
you'll see who you've hurt
and we'll sit together again
rediscover the beauty i am
the hero i remember you to be
patiently i wait. i pray. i long.

Housewife

2009-01-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

"Housewife".

I don't care for the term.

It reminds me of "housecat".
Which promps images of a fat, lazy animal sprawled out on a chenille blanket, yawning.

I like cats, don't get me wrong.
We just have starkly contrasting job descriptions.
So I'd prefer a more distinguished title.

But what label can accomodate such a calling?

The duties of the homemaker are numerous, diverse and yet harmonious.
Tasks that are spiritual, emotional, intellectual, social and practical-threads profoundly woven into the tapestry of life.
Creating and maintaining that vital location and intangible atmosphere we call "Home".

What would you call a woman who engages her time and her SELF in this sort of vocation?

Manager?

That reminds me of Kmart (again, no offense).

Chief of Operations?

I don't know what that means.

Domestic Engineer?

Getting closer.

CEO?

Well, I guess God is the CEO and then my husband would be the president, so I guess that would make me the Vice President...

I do oversee everything but I get "down and dirty" too.

I wonder if that still works...

It's not realy deep enough but I suppose it'll do for now.

So I guess I'm the Vice President.

But I'm open to suggestions.

Angry Song

2009-01-17T18:29:00.000-08:00

This post is rated PG for mildly offensive language and "blasphemy".

And just so you know-I do think that many traditional doctors are sincere, respectful, and caring individuals (but a notable percentage are decidedly arrogant and at least moderately tyrannical).

So after I wrote this I realized I copied the melody of the Dixie Chick's "Goodbye Earl" or whatever it's called. Ugh.

You graduated highschool with straights As
then conquered 4 years with class.
You were indoctrinated in medical school
and now I have to kiss your ass.

Because you're god.

And I pay you
to dictate to me
to write off my "ignorance"
to show me the way.

Show me the way.

Slip in and out quickly with your clipboard and pen,
feign compassion and then
put my symptoms into a formula
and write me a prescription.

Thank you god.

Cause I pay you
to dictate to me,
to write off my ignorance,
to show me the way.

Show me the way.

Now I don't have a fever, my nausea's gone.
The meds have done their work.
Tomorrow my appendix will rupture
but at least right now it doesn't hurt.

Amen god.

I pay you
to dictate to me
and write off my ignorance
to show me the way.

You showed me the way...

Threatened By a 4 Year Old

2009-01-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

"Mommy. If you tell me what to do one more time I'm not going to be your children anymore."

"Well MY baby would have died..."

2009-01-10T21:23:00.000-08:00

I ventured into my first pregnancy with a midwife ignorantly because we didn't have health insurance and homebirth is a lot less expensive than hospital birth.
Had we been in a different financial situation I wouldn't have given a thought to selecting a midwife as my caregiver. I would probably have chosen an obstetrician based on a friend's recommendation or proximity of the doctor's office to my home.

As pregnancy became a reality and my focus shifted from my maternity wardrobe to my BABY I became increasingly apprehensive about the "risk" of birthing at home with a midwife and prepared to take out a loan to cover the expenses of an OB!

Then I began to ask questions. Not just to those who view birth as a medical event but to those who view it as a natural part of life. I visited websites. I read books. I reviewed studies.
I reasoned.
I cried.
I prayed.

And I kept my midwife.

When my homebirths come up in conversation 90% of the time I hear something like this: (Sometimes, in the spirit of tolerance and political correctness this statement is prefaced by an assurance that my choice was "fine" for me.) "But if I hadn't been at the hospital MY baby would have died!"

As I have been diligently striving to conduct myself with consideration and grace it has become increasingly difficult for me to find an appropriate response to this statement.

Because that could be true. We have hospitals and obstetricians for a reason and they are valuble and can save lives. Any good midwife will tell you that. That there is a time and a place for medical intervention.

And babies can die at home.

Babies can die in hospitals.

But most of the time

Homebirth Midwives, who tend to be exquisitely well-trained, can identify problems and deal with them using their portable technology, alternative means or transport the mother to a hospital according to their backup plan in plenty of time.

And a great deal of the emergencies occuring in hospitals which require lifesaving medical care are caused by the domino effects of risky and unnecessary routine interventions imposed by hospital staff to begin with.

Did you know,

OBs are trained as surgeons and recieve less education about normal birth than a midwife does?

That recent increases in routine obstetric interventions have not led to a decline in mortality rates but rather and increase in....INTERVENTIONS.

That there are major studies with outcomes supporting homebirth consistantly as being as safe or safer than hospital birth for low risk women?

That, although the American College of Obstetricians and Gynocologists is opposed to homebirth, the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynocolygists supports it?

That The United States has the second hightest newborn death rate in the industrialized world? And that our maternal death rate is climbing?

That every country that scores better in terms of mortality utilizes midwives as the primary birth attendents for the majority of their low risk women?

There is a lot of information out there to consider before selecting a caregiver. And it is a very personal call to make.

Whatever you choose, I hope your decision will be based on prayer, concious thought and research.

And don't forget to get both sides FROM both sides.

http://thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

http://childbirthconnection.com/

Bitter

2009-01-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

I periodically receive phonecalls from a christian youth organization that I was once involved with. I traveled to Peru and Trinidad as a missionary with them when I was a teenager and recruited many of my peers to attend their conferences.

When they call me now, being the honest and menially tactful individual that I am, I inform them that I am busy but that I don't really want to talk to them anyway.

They called me again yesterday afternoon and when I realized who it was and was about to ask them to take me off of their list I took a breath, prayed for patience and asked the young intern what it was I could do for her. "I just have some questions about your experiences with our ministry.", she answers sweetly. Hmmm...I think. Far be it from me to deny her THIS request. I struggle to conjur a sense of stoicism and proceed to explain to her the deep rooted issues I have with the charismatic church that were contributed to by the ministry she volunteers for. I begin with a brief history of my religious upbringing as a Catholic and how the combination of those beliefs with charasmatic christian tradition produced a particuarly virulent type of legalism in me. I go on to explain how I used to think that I first trusted Jesus as my savior at the first of their conferences I attended but later realized that this occured years earlier and it was only that I became suffocatingly legalistic under the teachings of this institution. I did love God, and I still do-even more now that I understand GRACE. Now that I am not toiling in condemnation, making myself crazy, repenting desperately every 5 minutes, afraid that if I say "shit" and then die suddenly that I will go straight to hell. I wind down my diatribe by stating my personal observation that, in general, christians who come from an Armenian perspective tend to be overly focused on themselves and their own power causing them to be both self-righteous and yet full of condemnation-and manipulative with those they would convert, as if emotional music and persuasive words is sufficent to coerce or guilt a person into believing-as if echoing someone else's prayer at an altar call, in and of itself has the power to save. And all this so that some misdirected christian can put another notch in their belt representing those they "led to the Lord" or to soothe their inflamed concience, burdened heavily with the weight of the world since, although they say all the right things, they really know nothing themselves of the mercy and power of a God that is strong enough to intervene to save our souls without our "help" and as if that wasn't enough, preserve us until the end!

I apologize for the frustration that taints my voice and remind her that this is my perception, based on what I have studied in scripture and probably colored by my personal and shared experiences with other christains pushed to the breaking point by legalism and charismania.

"You can only strive for so long before you collapse in exhaustion. Or until you just plaster on a smile and fake it."

She listens with composure and longsuffering...

"I mean, the whole point of Jesus coming, the WHOLE POINT of Him coming to this earth as a man was to live the perfect life that we are absolutely INCAPABLE of. To take the punishment and to die the death that WE deserve for our sinfullness. To do all of this to make us right with God. So that we are saved through what JESUS did. Not ANYTHING AT ALL that we did.
And then we try to do the right things, with God's help because His Spirit who saved us when we believed, is in us and leads us. We do good not SO that he will save us but BECAUSE he has saved us.
And though, in our weakness we fail, that gratefulness and love that the faithfull heart is miraculously endowed with provides a pure and lasting fuel for good deeds that is decidedly more enduring than the guilt and fear that drove us previously."

I admitted that I am still bitter and trying to forgive. And that I struggle, even now, to find balance in my life. And I told her that I am not alone. That I know many, many people who are experiencing this, but that most of them would not bother to answer the phone because they would not know how to or would not want to say what they really think.

She was gracious and did not argue. She seemed sincere and thanked me, saying that it was actually very helpful to speak to someone who wasn't gushing about everything that they do.
We chatted for a few minutes, prayed together and I hung up, feeling relieved and glad that I answered the phone.

I guess it's time that I extend to these flawed people the same forgiveness which the Lord has so mercifully and unreservedly given to imperfect me.

Duh.

Damn Pie

2008-12-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

I have this terrible habit of modifying recipes-when I bother to use them at all. I tend to think of them more as a guide to be interpreted according to my whims than something to be strictly adhered to. This is a real problem when it comes to baking, as there are actually very scientific purposes for the specific ingredients, precise amounts and detailed instructions.

Since I was surprised with a Kitchen Aid stand mixer last year, I have endeavored to learn the rules that dictate good baking. I want to understand these principles so that I can defy them.
I want to do what I want to do and get away with it (sounds rather edgy!) There is a lot of error and frustration involved but it is so satisfying to create a dish that is all your own and tailored to your needs and inclinations.

Anyway, I tried to make a pumpkin pie with a different crust (I've expiramented with fillings enough for now)-a whole oat crust made with butter and cream cheese instead of shortening as I, contrary to popular preference, am quite a fan (health and otherwise) of saturated fats but I detest hydrogenated oils.

It was too sticky when I rolled it out (too much moisture) and so I ended up overworking it. Then while baking, the meticulously fluted edges cracked, crumbled and proceeded to scorch, like tar on the floor of my oven. I also burned my hand retrieving the completed disaster from the hell from whence it baked.

I haven't cursed with such passion in a long time.

In fact, this God fearing wife, mommy and homemaker says the "F" word, 3 hours later, every time she glances at that damn pie cooling on the counter.

Baby

2008-12-10T18:40:00.000-08:00

Fleshy, dimpled knuckles;
Petite, pink fingers;

Never before have I beheld such new and awkward hands
rendering such tender caresses
as on these late nights...
early mornings...
as I nourish your sweet belly and soul.

Your rosy padded fingertips gently dance across my weary collarbone
and adoringly twirl my sleep-matted curls.

Your glimmering eyes peer up at me
and you smile.

The exhaustion will fade.

These sacrifices will mold us both.

And THIS is what I will remember.

Some Advice from a Doula

2008-12-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

This is a post made to the Dallas Doula Network by Delilah Ray, a Doula/Childbirth educator serving the DFW metroplex. It has very useful advice and wisdom for birthing women regarding how to work alongside their caregiver for the birth experience they desire.

This post is quoted with her permission.

Here it is:

Re: [DallasDoulaNetwork] Thinking Out Loud

I never encourage people to be either subordinate (how long will you let me?) nor do I encourage them to be combative. I think people who go into their births with EITHER a "well, I will if he lets me" or an "I will fight for everything I want, they won't push ME around!" attitude, are less likely to succeed in a natural birth.

What I teach is that women ARE in charge of their births and I want them to come to that bone-deep understanding themselves. You don't have to be abrasive or Submissive. You instead need to be so self-possessed that it kind of "never crosses your mind" that someone might think they have the right to tell you not to drink
something if you are thirsty so it would never cross your mind to ask permission for something that you know to be what you do when you are thirsty (in labor or not).

When you truly, deep-down believe something, and someone tries to tell you something else, you don't have to be defensive- you simply don't buy into the alternate reality they are presenting you. (Not just in maternity care- but in parenting, in your profession, in your LIFE.)

Learning this self-possession around birth empowers them to be able to be this way around breastfeeding, parenting, etc. It is good practice. So just because someone says, your three week old is going to be spoiled if you keep picking him up when he cries, doesn't change your bone-deep conviction that if he is crying, he needs you, and that they told you otherwise, you just look at them like "huh?" and ignore their opinion since it has no relevance to you.

As far as talking to care providers in specific about different preferences, rather than the general concept I was addressing before...

I encourage them to ask their care provider impersonal questions as though they were an investigative reporter (NOT a pregnant client of the care provider) regarding topics of interest to them, about what the care provider generally does.

I say, you are NOT going to turn your care provider into a different person/professional by writing something on a birth plan. They are not going to do everything they do every day, totally 180 degrees different from usual, because you want it. You want to know how what your care provider NORMALLY does compares with what YOU want done.

If you are absolutely not on the same page, 180 degrees far apart, you can choose whether you want what you want or that care provider MORE, but you can't likely get what you want from that care provider, because that is not what they do. Either choice is fine- to choose to stay with the care provider you want, or the preferences
you want- but it is unrealistic to think that you will be likely to get both, when they are that far apart. If you want to try, it's fine with me - this is YOUR birth. But know that it is not likely, and that THIS is the choice you are making- to choose your doctor over your stated preferences. It is a valid choice.

If you are on the same page on most things and just a thing or two are slightly off, your care provider is more likely to be willing to do things "slightly" special for you, if you have a good rapport and everything falls into place, and it's fair to talk about those preferences.

But until you already know what your care provider normally does, by default, by rote, without thinking twice, what their paradigm of "normal" is... you shouldn't be bringing up what YOU want. Makes it too easy to "get told what you want to hear" and go into your birth having no idea that what you want is about as likely as a snowball's chance in Texas in August. (I hate it when people say, "Well, I showed him my birth plan" as though somehow that was all that was required to take a care provider with a 90% induction rate and 45% cesarean rate to being a natural-birth-supporting OB. R-i-i-i-ght.)

Then, after you know where your OB stands in relation to where you stand, you can choose how you want to handle those things. But it is still YOUR CHOICE. And it is NOT your OB's job to "give you" the birth you want on a tray because you "placed your order" (i.e. birth plan). It is YOUR responsibility to make the choices you need to make that YOU are willing to live with, that lead to the outcomes YOU want. YOU are the one with decision making power in your birth and the right to exercise it. But if you don't choose to do so, that is absolutely fine- that is, in and of itself, a choice of what you are choosing to do.

That is what I teach and preach. LOL
(Stepping down off my soapbox. Let the rotten tomatoes fly...)

P.S. I wish "tone" came across better on email, but let me assure you that I get along great with care providers and am personal friends with many of them, and none of this is hostile nor is my tone hostile when I teach it- it is just matter-of-fact, that women need to be the owners of their choices and take the burden off the care providers to "give them" their preferred births.

Delilah
http://www.cherishbirth.com

How I Fired Our Pediatrician

2008-12-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

I believe that well trained, caring doctors are very important. My goal is to walk through life beside one who will work together with my family in our best interest.

As an ADVOCATE.

Not a DICTATOR.

In the midst of the offices overwhelmed with degrees, plaques, and big latin words, let us not forget

WHO WORKS FOR WHO.

This is the letter that I typed and attempted to hand deliver (after agreeing over the phone to briefly meet with me then asking me to wait for 15 minutes, she decided not to come out at all) to our former pediatrician.

*some details have been omitted in the interest of my son's privacy*

March 10, 2008

Dr. **** *****,

I am writing to inform you that I will be withdrawing my children from your care effective immediately.
Our philosophies on health are conflicting as well as how we view the dynamics of the ideal doctor/parent relationship.

As the parent, I have information about my children that would be helpful in the treatment and diagnosis of them. During office visits, I have unsuccessfully attempted to communicate specific facts from my son’s medical history and records. While at home, your staff harasses me with several phone calls a week, even multiple calls a day at times. In choosing a physician for my children, it is important to me that I find one who respects and supports my right as a parent to be highly involved in the care of my children.

You diagnosed my son as “failure to thrive” with much passion and judgment but insufficient evidence. Only after I insisted, in person, did you agree to reconsider your diagnosis, taking into account more variables. I charted my son’s weight record using more than just his birth and current weight to show consistent growth and have waited for you to review this information yourself. I recorded his caloric intake for several days and he averaged 1600-1700 a day. I also agreed to have blood tests performed to rule out a metabolic issue. I receive advice regularly from an experienced professional with a degree in nutrition. I will continue to receive council from him as well as our next pediatrician regarding the nutrition of my children.

You diagnosed my son as having ****** ***** when I know for a fact *lah-de-dah, my son might not appreciate my advertising this*. He had the classic symptoms of *blah, blah*, confirmed and monitored by a specialist, Dr. ****** *******, pediatric urologist at Children’s Medical Center, as well as myself. *More explanations...* Dr ******* continues to stand by his diagnosis and we will continue to work with him in the best interest of my son.

Your latest attempt at manipulating me into a sonogram I feel is unnecessary is particularly disrespectful, inappropriate, and completely unethical. You lied to me in order to coerce me into allowing a procedure you were aware I am against by ordering it under false pretenses.

This sort of relationship is not mutually respectful or productive and my family will not continue to be a part of it any longer. I have been actively seeking out a new pediatrician for a few weeks and will inform you of this information as soon as it is confirmed.

Please forward any concerns about my children’s health to this new doctor.

Sincerely,

*me*

Being an Informed Consumer vs Regulated Educational Resources

2008-12-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

This is a comment I made in response to an article posted by a friend on facebook. It has been slightly edited to blogworthy status.

The article talks about how it is best to get our information from "reliable" or regulated sources rather than "unofficial" ones, specifically regarding vaccine safety, a hot topic among parents.

You don't have to read the article to understand what I'm saying but here it is, just in case you want to:

http://www.readysetgrowmag.com/index.php?page_id=269&id=1282

Hey *****.
I think it is good to read articles like this.
2 things come to mind though, as I contemplate the words I have read.

The first is in response to the parts about the mercury derivative, thimerasol, which is suspected of causing autism and is no longer in most vaccines (except the flu shot) on the recommended childhood vaccination schedule. The concern is not just about the thimerasol. There are a myriad of other ingredients in vaccines that could cause or contribute to a number of negative side effects including formaldahyde, sodium hydroxide (lye), foreign genetic material (including aborted human fetal tissue), antifreeze-the list goes on... That may partially explain why there is not definitive evidence proving a link between thimerasol and autism or other disorders. One might also consider who is funding the studies but that is another paragraph...
I have debated whether or not to address other statements made in this article but that would make this a very long post. So I will simply remark that there are answers to challenge pretty much everything said-responses you may only hear from "the other side".

Which brings me to my next thought. That is that there are, in fact, 2 sides to this story and you will not get a clear picture of them both by only considering sources from one of those sides. There is tremendous conflict of interests when it comes to the drug industry, the government and conventional medicine. This should be kept in mind when considering any resource that they recommend, as the public's wellbeing is not the only issue that is important in this fatally flawed system that many Americans place their trust in. These websites (recommended in the article) and others supported by the previously mentioned entities, will reflect the partiality and interests of these institutions. This is the "reliable" and regulated "educational" literature that this article argues to be the ideal source of information for citizens. It more often than not is, sadly, colored by motives of financial gain whether directly or indirectly (example-doctors may not push drugs to make more money but they were taught to do so by drug industry funded medical schools who do stand to profit from this trend...unleeeess you consider the "incentives" presented directly to physicians by drug reps, but I digress...).

It is true that any lunatic can create a website or write a book and say anything that they want and that it is difficult to navigate through all the information and find the truth. But to truly be informed, one must do their best to look at all sides, considering the motives and perspective of whatever organziation is responsible for all the pamphlets, articles and websites. And families must think for themselves and seek God as to what is best for their members. Whether we die from medicine or disease, it is ultimately the family who will deal with that.

Not the pediatrician.

Not the legislators or the lobbiests.

Damn sure isn't the drug companies.

It's You.

And Me.

And we will be the ones held responsible before God for the choices we make. So, if you ask me, they should be thoughtful and deliberate. They should be OURS.
I suppose allowing someone else to decide for you is a choice in itself. But I think that you should be aware that this is what you are doing.

"Informing" ourselves by getting all of our data and council from one network of sources is not truly educational, but rather indoctrination producing an illusion of informed choice, fabricated by those who would have us do their will without taking away our SENSE of freedom.

I encourage everyone to learn all that they can, considering all available angles, pray for direction, act and then trust God-whether or not that means what we hope it does. We will not all choose the same things and cannot guarantee an ideal outcome no matter what we do. But if we seek God and truth fiercely and sincerely, we are doing our best to make faithful, cognizant decisions which we can own, whatever the end result.

Vaccines and SIDS-some quotes

2008-12-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

"My suspicion, which is shared by others in my profession, is that the nearly 10,000 SIDS deaths that occur in the United States each year are related to one or more of the vaccines that are routinely given children. The pertussis vaccine is the most likely villain, but it could also be one or more of the others." Dr Mendelsohn, M.D.

"The evidence for indicting immunisations for SIDS is circumstantial, but compelling. However, the keepers of the keys to medical-research funds are not interested in researching this very important lead to the cause of an ongoing, and possibly preventable, tragedy. Anything that implies that immunisations are not the greatest medical advance in the history of public health is ignored or ridiculed. Can you imagine the economic and political import of discovering that immunisations are killing thousands of babies?" Dr William C. Douglass, M.D. (Honored twice as America's 'Doctor of the Year')

"Only after realising that routine immunisations were dangerous did I achieve a substantial drop in infant death rates. The worst vaccine of all is the whooping cough vaccine... it is responsible for a lot of deaths and for a lot of infants suffering irreversible brain damage. In susceptible infants, it knocks their immune systems about, leading to irreparable brain damage, or severe attacks or even deaths from diseases like pneumonia or gastro-enteritis and so on". Dr Kalokerinos, M.D.

"It was similar with the measles vaccination. They went through Africa, South America and elsewhere, and vaccinated sick and starving children...They thought they were wiping out measles, but most of those susceptible to measles died from some other disease that they developed as a result of being vaccinated. The vaccination reduced their immune levels and acted like an infection. Many got septicaemia, gastro-enteritis, etcetera, or made their nutritional status worse and they died from malnutrition. So there were very few susceptible infants left alive to get measles. It's one way to get good statistics, kill all those that are susceptible, which is what they literally did." Dr Kalokerinos, M.D.

"Crib death" was so infrequent in the pre-vaccination era that it was not even mentioned in the statistics, but it started to climb in the 1950s with the spread of mass vaccination against diseases of childhood. Harris L. Coulter, PhD.

"These data show that DPT vaccination may be a generally unrecognised major cause of sudden infant and early childhood death, and that the risks of immunisation may outweigh its potential benefits. A need for re-evaluation and possible modification of current vaccination procedures is indicated by this study." William C. Torch, M.D., Director of Child Neurology, Department of Paediatrics, University of Nevada School of Medicine

Some resources,

http://www.nvic.org/

http://www.mercola.com/2007/feb/15/shocking-documentary-will-convince-you-to-stay-away-from-vaccines-for-good.htm

http://vierascheibner.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=73:vaccinations-part-i-medical-research-on-sids-and-epidemics-&catid=47:cot-deaths-sids&Itemid=58

Love...

2008-11-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

The paint on our cabinets is peeling.
We still don't have baseboards.
We rarely have the means to eat out.

But there is absolutely NOTHING

that REALLY matters...

that I don't have.

And I want to do exactly what I am doing now, for the rest of my life.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to trust God. I want his abundant love to overflow from me. I want to give. And laugh. And breathe. And enjoy taking walks with my children, holding my husband's hand, bringing meals to new mothers and those who are in need. I want to feel satisfied when I am folding clothes and scrubbing pots because I see the meaning in the mundane. I can finally see purpose and depth in the ordinary and I do my best not to take it for granted.

I do not want to chase "excitement" in vain, searching for purpose in the fading and frivolous. Grasping for that elusive sense of "happiness" and "security" found in what is tangible and selfserving.

I am surrounded by what my heart desires most, and I am so grateful that I can see it.

Love.

THIS is what life is all about.

Cute

2008-11-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

I would just like to say that it is positively delightful to hear a woman over 45 say that something "sucks".

Really, I'm not trying to be condescending.

It makes me smile.

I Need a Shower

2008-11-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

My hair is frizzy. I would say that it is frazzled from my hectic day but it appears no more or less attractive than it did after my shower last night because I did not apply any product to style or tame my locks and only brushed it because my scalp itched.

I did well to wash it at all.

I pray for cold days so that I can wear yoga pants to the Y and not shave my legs...

I am a devout tooth-brusher but rarely floss and on the infrequent occasion that I wear makeup, I often fall asleep with it on and remove it the next morning mostly due to the vexation of gummy, smudged mascara.

My husband often asks me "So, did you have a good shower?" "It was a shower." I reply. The water is warm... That's nice, I guess. But it takes me 15 minutes inflict razor burn on much of my body, 5 minutes to attempt tenderizing my stony heels with a pumice stone, 5 more to lather and rinse my hair with tolerable smelling organic shampoo, a few more for the rest of me...what else...I find my self just standing there a lot. I guess I do enjoy the water...

But the rest is just more WORK.

I worked ALL DAY.

And I don't WANT to scrub and rinse and then freeze while I apply 5 other products to myself before hurriedly dressing so that my cotton garments can cling to my damp limbs, wrinkling up in unyielding refusal to envelope me in well deserved comfort and warmth.

I'm tired.

and I DON'T WANT TO.

Sorry, Brandon.

Tales from the Toilet

2008-11-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

I have been in close contact with every imaginable bodily fluid since my first child was born, 4 years ago.

Now, in the throes of potty training a boy, my fate has never been more pronounced.

I was born to sop up pee from saltillo tile floors and to coax smeared poop from between little toes.

I have scrubbed, dried and disinfected with tea tree oil innumerable surfaces inside this quaint brick house.

The floor, obviously.

My children.

The toybox, the dresser, the sides of the bathtub and rim of the toilet seat, walls, sheets, pillows, clothing, Dora the Explorer and myself.

Most recently I cleaned a sparkling puddle, golden and warm, on the top of my coffee table, which strangely, was preferable to the carpet beneath...

Shopping

2008-10-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

Spending the money I recieved from American Airlines (loooong awaited reimbursement for losing my bag) has not been as enjoyable as I previously envisioned. I am not accustomed to having money to spend on much other than food, and while I have carefully prepared lists on hand to remind me of my priorities, I find myself anxious much of the time. I have bought clothes, at very good sale prices...but could I find a better deal elsewhere? Should I have bought the kids bigger sizes so they could wear them longer? Have I wasted my money by not doing so?! I have bought and exchanged and returned...and still I have no peace.

I have avidly pursued the ideal purse to replace the one that was lost in that red suitcase. I have found the perfect handbag. I could vow lifelong fidelity to that purse and embrace it to the grave...It is tan and leather and slouchy, cross body style. Casual, sophistocated-perfect. Except that it's $219. Now, I know that is not a whole lot compared to what some people pay, but for a girl who's had nothing but hand-me-downs, that is absurd. I bought a really cute one that was $50 and almost everything I wanted, but an anti-hippie color and a little too trendy. I almost bought it, then sent Brandon to buy it, wore it once and agonized all week. It was stressful and emotional. It was the antithesis of fun.

So I returned it and bought a butcher block instead.

"I doe potty lite a man."

2008-10-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

I've decided that it is time for my son to learn to urinate in an upright position. It is obvious who has potty trained him, as he relieves himself seated and then conscientiously wipes with toilet paper before flushing and cleansing his hands with lavender-mint soap.

So we tried it. He has to take his pants and underwear completely off for some reason and then he stands on his toes, his plumbing just barely peeking over the rim of the toilet where he attempts to deposit his carefully retained pee.

It's not working.

With all the effort required just to reach the top of the pot, he can't relax enough to let it flow.

So he has devised the method of flipping up the seat, sitting backwards-facing the back of the toilet and then bracing himself with his hands, leaning over to a stunning view of the cascading urine.
All the while commenting proudly on the grandeur of this accomplishment, and spurning any suggestion that he should do otherwise.

A Woman's Right to Choose

2008-10-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a single woman, carrying a child in my womb that I did not have the capacity or desire to care for. Or a rape victim, impregnated by her attacker. When I unexpectedly concieved my second child, as a pro-life, married mother, the thought briefly crossed my mind "What if I had an abortion?" I even googled "herbal abortion" and glanced at the result page of my internet search before closing the computer with a sigh and pressing on with the struggles...and blessings laid before me.

If only it were so simple as a woman choosing not to be pregnant, I would agree that she should have that freedom. However, the situation is complicated by the fact that ending a pregnancy ends a life, and therefore infringes on another tiny American's God given right to their own life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

Science supports that life begins the moment of conception, as a person is a genetically complete and unique individual from the moment sperm and egg are united. That person is fundamentally complete. The only thing distinguishing one person from another beyond that point on is how long they have been alive. And a person's age does not define their worth. It doesn't make them more or less of a person. We are all at different life stages. We all have varying levels of dependence on others, from the unborn to a newborn to the elderly. We all have different degrees of mental and emotional development and awareness, from the toddler, to the mentally handicapped, to the average adult in their prime.
But every person is foundationally intact from the split second fertilization occurs in the womb. All the genetic information that one will ever have or require is established in that moment. The DNA that will dictate what a person will look like, and that will be a factor influencing that individual's personality traits is present at that time. There is not a single event in a person's existance, other than conception, significant enough to define that a life has begun. Birth is essentialy just a change of location that results in modification of an individuals degree of dependency on others. Birth does not make a person alive. Life begins at conception.

In that instant a new person is jolted into existance, one unlike any who has ever lived before, and will never be duplicated.

This is scientific evidence and logic supporting that a person is a person at conception.
It is not an "opinion", reliant on one's faith or lack of faith in a higher power. An athiest can follow this reasoning. I am convinced that the biggest reason that abortion is legal and defended by the public, is because an abstract idea of what the baby is and what actually takes place in an abortion is all a desperate woman sees. The baby is referred to as a "pregnancy" or a "clump of cells" and common descriptions of the horrific procedures used to destroy the fetus range from vague to altogether misleading. In fact, the whole business of induced abortion is shrouded in deciet and not surprisingly, is extremely lucrative for an industry which is dependent on the ignorance of their clientel.

If you have ever seen images of an unborn baby, alive or killed by abortion, it is clear that there is much, much more to this issue than whether or not a woman has the right to decide whether or not she will remain pregnant.

According to The Declaration of Independence, all are created equal, regardless of age, and mental or physical ability or dependency. We are endowed with dignity and basic RIGHTS just because we are HUMAN. If this tiny person is, in fact a person, than the question really is

"Does the right of one person not to be pregnant trump the right of another person to live?"

So no matter what the reason is for the abortion, even rape or incest, we must ask this question.

Because there are understandable and justifiable reasons for a woman to oppose carrying a child in her body,

but they must be weighed against the reality of what that "choice" entails,

which is intentionally ending the life of an innocent human being.

A person who is endowed by his or her Creator "with certain unalienable rights",

Rights that are to be secured by the government,

The same rights that the rest of us are promised...

"Among these are LIFE, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."
(emphasis mine)

To view the Declaration of Independence see http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/document/index.htm

For more information on the case against abortion see
http://www.abort73.com/

Boobs

2008-10-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

5 years ago I had big, round, perky boobs. 4 years and 2 weeks ago I concieved my firstborn and they progressively ballooned to a pornographic magnitude. They maintained their voluptuous appearance for almost 4 years afterward, as I was either nursing or pregnant the whole time. Within months of weaning my youngest child, my blue ribbon busoms deflated to nearly prepubecent proportions. I have another blog entry called "A" which briefly chronicles my odyssey from a D cup to an A cup.
I've been thinking, and now I want to discuss with a bit more depth, breasts-and beauty.

I struggled with myself as a young girl, as an adolescent. I was generally content with my appearance as a young adult but my image issues resumed when I became a mother.
My lovely melon mammory glands are now sad, small and saggy.

Or are they?

What if they are lying gracefully and naturally rather than drooping?
And perhaps they are small, both literally and figuratively because they sacrificially gave all that they had to nourish my beloved children with the perfect food?
Then maybe they are not dismal and cheerless at all, but satisfied at having achieved a greater purpose than to indulge the erotic fantasies of strangers and a culture obsessed with unrealistic perfection?

What if that makes them perfect?

What if THAT makes them more alluring than they ever were before?

Who are we to confine beauty to such an elusive, and often artificial ideal?

My breasts have fullfilled a meaningful and significant purpose. And they did so well.

There's not a damn thing wrong with that.

Or my little boobs.

Word of the Day

2008-10-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

officious \uh-FISH-uhs\, adjective:

Marked by excessive eagerness in offering services or advice where they are neither requested nor needed; meddlesome

Wow. Dr. Dictionary has me nailed.

The Business of Being Born

2008-10-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's super short.

Watch it.

Money

2008-09-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have recently been taking care of a precious baby boy and have been pondering what to do with the money I earn watching him.

There are obvious places that money should go. I have a green spiral notebook filled with scribbles detailing years of intentions for "extra" money, should we ever have some. The wide ruled pages are steeped in wisdom and urgent commitment to fiscal responsibility. I have included budgets for salaries ranging from $30,000 a year to a yearly income of $80,000. Reguarly updated ledgers of incurred debt remind me how much money we owe and explain how long it would take to repay it with varying amounts payed toward it each month. I have lists of needs and wants ranging from things many consider necessities like a dental cleaning or baseboards to luxuries like 1,000 thread count sheets for our bed. I have lists for myself and each member of my household and even things specifically for the house, ideas for birthday presents, but mostly things the average American "needs" but it has not been within out budget to afford. Mostly reasonable things, as I have finally come to the place in life that I swore I'd never reach-the place where I am thrilled to recieve a handheld vaccuum, even for Christmas. All these years I have been prepared-Ready to handle new funds wisely, not to impulsively blow it all on anything that is less than sensible.

Now that there is actual money to be dealt with. Money long awaited. And I am constantly arguing with myself over what to do with it!
I went to Walmart to buy some food this evening and my heart was just ACHING to buy the most ridiculous things. I was enchanted by a lawnchair, and a glass pitcher...by white stoneware dishes and black wooden picture frames...ok, other than the lawnchair they weren't really stupid and most of them actually made my "list" but they were not high in terms of priority...at least not until tonight.

I sighed frequently as I pushed myself down the aisles of many wonders, denying my selfish heart it's frivolous desires. The anguish slowly faded as I moved on to the dairy section, where I belonged.
There remains now but a residue of lust for a 24 inch hardwood cuttingboard...

It'a crazy how we think that "stuff" is going to make us happy. It is a terrible disease of humanity. The desire to have things is insatiable. The more we feed it the more ravenous it becomes. There is always more to be had and therefore all the more to desire. I struggle just as anyone else to have restraint.

It is a lifelong war that tonight, at least, I have emerged from victoriously.

I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

2008-09-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

When I got pregnant for the first time I just knew that I would be "all baby", just like my mom and sister. I had delusions of myself glowing in cute maternity shirts, my hot butt and shapely legs intact. My shocking transformation into a mother catalized 3 years of post pardom depression. To top it all off I impulsively cut my hair so short that it was shaved at the back of my neck. It was "chic" until 6 weeks later when the places the stylist had thinned grew out and I had a halo of frizz to envelope my new marshmallow face. My boobs were gushing out of my bras and my belly was streched to capacity.

Babies came out, pounds dropped slowly and as my second child transitioned into toddlerhood I began to find myself again, and I realized that I was not the same. Emotionally, mentally- I had deepened and matured...and regressed.
Physically I was a deflated birthday balloon. There were traces of vibrancy melted in a pool of gooey flesh riddled with purple stretchmarks and cellulite. My tired belly puckered around the copious scars. My breasts were somber and empty. My hair was short. And my butt...

MY BUTT

SAGGED.

Now I am no supermodel, but I'm not bad. And I have always taken pride in 4 things.

My long, chestnut, curly hair,
My perfect breasts,
My 4 pack abs,

And my BIG BUTT.

Everything physically exceptional about me was under attack and I had sat back and taken it.

But THIS was not ok.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna have a flat ass.

So I got OFF my ass and joined the YMCA. I worked out as much as 10 hours a week. I did pilates. I did cardio. I did spin.

And now I do Flex Class.

In Flex Class we do squats.

Lots and lots of squats.

It has been a year now since I started working out. I somehow made the mistake of cutting my hair again, my boobs continue to droop, and the skin on my gut still wrinkles around my faded stretchmarks

but BABY GOT BACK.

Potty Training

2008-09-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

My son wet his cartoon character training pants about half an hour ago and then matter-of-factly informed "Thomas the chu chu" that he intended to pee on '''him" again.

He repeatedly insisted, in spite of my patient and good humored protests that that he would follow through with his stated intentions.

I told him that I would put a diaper on him if he refused to use the toilet but that he would be allowed the priviledge of wearing big boy briefs if he would relieve himself on the potty to which he "cried" and agreed .

Well, he wet his pants and brought me a diaper just now. When asked why he peed his Thomas the Train underwear he replied

"Tuz I say so."

Little fart.

Flex class

2008-09-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have made 2 new observations about working out, in classes specifically.
One is that teachers deliberately include certain exercises in their routine, not for the benefit of the class attendants, but purely for their own personal enjoyment.
The other thing I have noticed is the large degree of vulnerability a person exposes when they are pushed to the extreme physically and what that may reveal about their personality.

Nearly without reservation, at each class (these particular classes vary from day to day) there is an everchanging exercise that is damn near impossible. It has become clear to me that mastery of these "moves" is not the point. The purpose of including these insurmountable feats of athletisicm is to make the instructors day more interesting.
They think it's funny.
And they are watching.
And laughing.
Not necessarily in a mean spirit, in fact my teacher is particuarly good natured, but they are amused at our expense just the same.
I can't say I blame them.

Which brings me to my second realization, perhaps the more profound one. It is that when a person is immersed in demanding physical activity they do not have the energy to maintain the "front" that we all tend to have in life. The physical exertion requires the depths of one's strength, determination and discipline and there is little reserved to preserve that sense of being "put together" that we value so highly.
So if you are not among the poor souls, focused soley on remembering just to breathe (a teacher who is not actively participating physically) than you have the privilege of seeing another person in a unique and rare state of transparency. You see who they really are, behind the mask.
Are they serious and focused? Are they amiable or unsure? Do they groan? Do they curse?
Are they silent?
If I step outside of my concentration in these situations to glance up at my teacher I find her reacting to what she sees. And no one else seems to notice as they are completely absorbed in their own personal fight for survival. Sometimes she is giggling, sometimes encouraging, straightfaced, or gazing out, perhaps lost inward, momentarily loosening her grip on the image she projects of her own self.

It is interesting.

Insecure

2008-09-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

I am learning some things about myself. The last few years I have begun to discover that I have always been insecure. This has revealed itself in different ways and in varying degress throughout my life.

As a young child, I was shy because of it. Around the age of 11 I "decided" to cease being bashful and somehow just "became" outgoing. During this time I was an emotional whore to an extent. This continued until I had babies. I was clinically depressed from the time I was about 7 months pregnant with my daughter until a few months after my son was born, and it actually lingered a bit until he was a year old. Since my fifth grade transformation into an extrovert I had developed a quite opinionated personality. My opinions covered a broad range of subjects and as I have become more laid back about some things I have grown increasingly vocal about others. Now these are sincere opinions, held for love of what I have deemed to be truth and generally not purely for the sake of being controversial.

What I have been figuring out lately though, is the particular breed of insecurity I possess. It is not the sort that is as overt as the classic form. It is commonly misunderstood as arrogance, in fact. Not the type which would cause me to convert my thoughts to those which are most popular, this brand of self doubt demands that my perceptions of life be understood, even agreed with by the general population. The type of insecurity that is not comfortable with being alone or in the minority in a given area but is starkly unwilling to modify beliefs in order to "fit in".

This creates a problem because I tend to think a lot. And in a society where we are often fed what to think by the media, which is controlled by the governement and corporations, there seems to be a nonthinking majority who believe that they hold a monopoly on truth. They think they are free because they are subtley manipulated. They maintain the illusion that they choose to believe as they do and not that billions of dollars in marketing has led them exactly where somebody else wants them to be ( or for the Calvanists out there, that a depraved race of people is actually capable of having high standards on the large scale). So those who critically think and evaluate a particular situation are very likely to end up in the minority when they actually make up there own mind on a given issue. Of course this isn't always the case and I am as ignorant and "sheeplike" as anybody else on certain issues, but do you see what I mean?

So anyway, there are a lot of things I am at odds with the majority on. There is a whole complex that tends to accompany this sort of situation. I am not alone. Entire races can have the tendency to develop a paranoid sense because they are in the minority. This may be based on actual or perceived discrimination, or even fear of the possibility of being oppressed for being "different". If the insecure individual does not have the tendency to conform to the mainstream, they may isolate themselves from it. They may try to convince others to join their side so that they don't feel so alone. In an effort to protect themselves from persecution they may actually become the aggressor.

This is what I have done.

I must add that a huge part of my overexplaining my perceptions to others is because I care a great deal for other people and it makes me angry when I feel that someone is deceived. Not angry at the person, although it may come off this way, but angry at the lie and those perpetuating it. Injustice bothers me even if it doesn't directly affect me. I would do well to remember though, that if I really do care about people that I should not relentlessly shove information down unreceptive throats. Because this is ineffective. It is countereffective. I have recognized my tendency to do this for years now and have been working on it and doing better, although I may be the only one who notices. It is the insecurity that pushes me to communicate beyond what is loving and effective.

I need to find peace with me.

So I figure that if I can somehow get that straightened out then the rest will fall into place.

God help me because I've been blowing this for years.

Unborn

2008-09-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Your delicate form

Cloaked within that of another

Genetically unique

Fundamentally complete

You are exquisite.

At your essence the only thing that sets you apart

from a baby boy...

from a little girl...

from a grown woman...

from an old man...

Is TIME.

Peace

2008-09-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 28, 2008

My defense has evolved into aggression and isolation.

I have become what I feared.

I pray for quiet confidence.

And peace.

Children

2008-09-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It seems that at some point in American history we came to the subconcious conclusion that children are more of an inconvenience than a blessing. Consequently, being with them, raising them went from a natural part of everyday life to a part time obligation from which it has become acceptable to periodically "escape" altogether.

I struggle to discern what ideas are born of truth and which ones are the consequence of deteriorated morals and misplaced priorities.

May God enable me to see clearly and make thoughtful, prayerful choices in love and truth.

School

2008-09-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

sidenote: This is not an attack on parents who put their children in traditional school or daycare. This is just how I felt as a child and how I relate, in my own imagination, to a child I encountered one day.

As I was exiting the bathroom at the YMCA today, I saw myself in a 5 year old red head, lost in the shuffle of a busy afterschool program. This child, and my own experience inspired these words.

Lost in a room of faces
individuality is blurred
and sensitivities go unacknowledged.

Alone in a wilderness of voices
crying desperately, silently
for something familiar, meaningful.

Entrusted to strangers,
adapting to polite indifference,
calloused unto the goal of "independence".

I am Certified Equipped.

The Ideal

2008-09-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Monday, August 18, 2008

The failure of frail humanity to consistantly achieve the ideal is no excuse to abandon it.

A bit about birth and homebirth

2008-09-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

A Bit About Birth and Homebirth...

Sarah J Buckley, MDGeneral Practitioner and Family PhysicianBrisbane, Queensland, Australia
http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/

taken from http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/

In Orgasmic Birth, you mention a recent study about the safety of home birth. What does the research say about the safety of home birth compared to hospital birth for women who are at low risk for birth-related problems?

The study, published in the prestigious British Medical Journal (BMJ) in 2005, is exceptional for several reasons.

First, the number of women involved, almost 5,500, was unusually large, making the results more valid than if the study had included fewer women.

Second, the study began when each woman first planned her home birth, making the data more reliable than in studies that look back at births after they have happened.

Third, the midwives providing care were certified practicing midwives (CPMs), who are not trained as nurses. This implies that home birth is safe with less medicalized attendants as well as with more extensively trained certified nurse-midwives, who are more often included in such studies.

In the study, which was done in North America, no mothers died. Perinatal mortality—the number of babies dying at around the time of birth—was about 2 per 1000, approximately the same as in studies of low-risk mothers and babies.

Also striking are the extremely low rates of interventions used. For example, once labor had started, only 3.7% of mothers were transferred to the operating room for a cesarean section and 3.7% required an epidural. In contrast, 19% of low-risk mothers giving birth in hospitals had a cesarean and 63% of hospital births involve an epidural.

As a physician and mother, I believe that these figures indicate even more important safety factors. Babies born at home are protected from the harms that may be caused by unnecessary interventions. For example, we do not know for certain the long-term effects of exposing babies to the powerful drugs used in epidurals. In addition, we are rapidly discovering that depriving the newborn of continual contact with the mother, as is usual after a cesarean, may increase susceptibility to stress life-long. I have written about these issues in my book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering (see below).

These drugs and procedures make birth harder for both mother and baby by interfering with the delicate hormonal orchestration of both partners, which is designed to enhance ease, safety, and pleasure.

Johnson KC, Daviss B. Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America. BMJ 2005;330:1416-1422.

This study is available free:
Download the study (pdf)

To learn more:
Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: The Wisdom and Science of Gentle Choices in Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting (One Moon Press, 2005). Available at: www.sarahjbuckley.com/html/gentle-birth-gentle-mothering.htm. In January 2009, Celestial Arts will release an updated version that will be available through Amazon.com.

You speak throughout Orgasmic Birth about the hormones of labor, birth, and breastfeeding. How does a technology-driven birth environment influence the flow of natural hormones?
Does this interruption affect the woman's and baby's experience?

Women's bodies are superbly designed for giving birth. This design has evolved over 175 million years. Humans are mammals. We share with other mammals the complex hormonal orchestration of labor and birth, which ensures that birth is as safe, easy, and pleasurable as possible for every mammal mother and baby.

One element of this hormonal orchestration involves adrenaline/noradrenaline (epinephrine/norepinephrine), also known as the "fight or flight" hormones.In labor and birth, these hormones contribute an important safety factor. When a laboring woman senses danger, these hormones are released and her labor will slow or stop, giving her time to run away and find a safe place to give birth. A rush of adrenaline will also divert blood to a laboring woman's lungs, heart, and large muscles to help with fight or flight. This will take blood away from the baby and is a short-term strategy to help mother and baby. These effects will continue as long as the mother feels stressed or unsafe.

These safety factors, present in all mammals, continue to be active in modern women who give birth in hospitals. In fact, it is common for labor to go well at home, but stop when the woman reaches the hospital, because she feels, at a primal level, disturbed and even unsafe in this new and unfamiliar environment. The hospital setting is full of people who are strangers, with whom she will find it hard to relax and feel safe. Unfamiliar noises, smells, and sights can further disturb the laboring woman, who is more sensitive to her surroundings than she will ever be outside of birth. In these circumstances, labor can slow or even stop, and the baby can be deprived of blood and oxygen, sometimes enough to cause distress.

In comparison, when the laboring woman feels undisturbed and relaxed, her hormones can flow easily and help both her and her baby. Oxytocin will be released efficiently from her middle brain, enhancing the efficiency of labor and adding safety factors for her and her baby. Beta-endorphin, along with oxytocin, will provide natural pain relief. These and other hormones will peak at the moment of birth, giving pleasure and reward to the new mother and helping her to attach to her newborn and the newborn to attach to her.

Many other obstetric factors can interfere with the laboring mother's hormonal flow, including epidurals, Pitocin, and cesareans.

To learn more: www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm

What can a birthing woman do to increase the flow of oxytocin and other birth hormones?

Women who want to work with their hormones to enhance ease, safety, and pleasure in labor need to ensure that they are in an environment, and with people, that make them feel safe. Home is ideal. If that isn't possible, I recommend taking along an experienced doula or labor support person who can help to guard the space. Avoiding all unnecessary interventions and setting up a situation where the laboring mother feels private, safe, and unobserved are also important for helping labor to proceed with maximum ease.

For more recommendations, see my article "Ecstatic birth: nature's hormonal blueprint for labor," originally published in Mothering magazine.

A summary of the article is available at: www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm

Labor and Exercise

2008-09-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I have been taking a class called "Flex" at the YMCA for a few weeks now. It is SO hard that I have to modify many of the exercises AND lift half the weight all of the middle aged women standing beside me and I often STILL collapse from exhaustion! I began attending the class for a few reasons, one being that I noticed everyone coming out of that particular studio was always red faced and sweaty-with super-hot legs. And so I felt like that was for me :)

I have only been pushed as hard as I am in Flex class a few times in my life. A few times at a spin class, once in 8th grade by Coach Ladner, and in LABOR with my children.

It is strange, the place that your mind goes to in such a scenario. The other day on my third set of mountain climbers, nearing the end of the leg circuit I made a surprising (to me) connection between the mental and physical state of a person who is working out hardcore and a woman giving birth naturally.

You are in control, yet surrendered. You are vulnerable, but powerful. You are strangely focused, although in a completely altered state of mind. At some point you are convinced that you just can't go on, but you breathe. You let go and hold on at the same time. You feel like you can't do it but you concentrate on one contraction at a time-one lunge at a time... until you do. And then, the exhileration! The pride! And if you had not fought so hard for it, the moment couldn't be as sweet.
And then you are never the same.

I FINALLY understand how exercise can be enjoyable, even addictive, and I am so grateful for the adventure of childbirth and the enduring impact it has had on my self image. I don't have to go far to taste at least a shadow of the labor experience every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the Plano YMCA :)

Abortion

2008-09-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

feminist, Naomi Wolf

"How can we charge that it is vile and repulsive for pro-lifers to brandish vile and repulsive images if the images are real? To insist that the truth is in poor taste is the very height of hypocrisy. Besides, if these images are often the facts of the matter, and if we then claim that it is offensive for pro-choice women to be confronted by them, then we are making the judgment that women are too inherently weak to face a truth about which they have to make a grave decision. This view if women is unworthy of feminism."

Truth

2008-09-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

Saturday, May 24, 2008

This is an exerpt (did I spell that right?!) from an article by Dr Mercola, mercola.com, a great website that I visit often (note: he sells some of the stuff he recommends on the site and that bothers me because I think it makes him appear less credible but I agree with his points of view and principles in many areas).

About truth:

"Remember my favorite quote from Arthur Schopenhauer:'All truth goes through three phases

1. First, it is ridiculed.

2. Second, it is violently opposed.

3. Third, it is widely accepted as being self evident.'

But that kind of opposition just stems from sheep-like, indoctrinated thinking. They may be exercising their free right to speech, but they're certainly not exercising free thinking or free will. If they did, they wouldn't just regurgitate scientific findings funded by industry, without asking some hard questions."

Whether we are talking health, religion...politics, I find this to be so true.

Well said.

Breathe

2008-09-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday, December 02, 2007

I am 24.

A crease is set between my brows.

My small hands clamp into fists until my nails pierce my palm.

My toes curl in intensity.

I tighten muscles you don't know you have.

I have a jaw that could grind a diamond to dust,
Perpetually clenched.

My heart is both iron and ablaze.

I am beyond my years
And an eternal child.

Beneath it all I am wounded and afraid.

And I am tired
Of being angry.

Granny

2008-09-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Your soft fragile arms
and your white-blonde hair.
I can still see you standing there.

I meant to embrace you more singlemindedly
but distractions abound
and the most significant moments can elude us.

I remember your smirk.
Your deep blue eyes full of memories forgotten.

Your eyes were yours still,
only lost.
Searching for names, for meaning,
for mercy.

I hope you have found it.

I hope now you can rest.

The Y

2008-09-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I have been working out now at the YMCA for about 8 weeks now and I love it! I am getting out of the house, getting "me time" and the kids are enjoying playing with other children-and of course I'm getting SMOKIN HOT!!! Well, I'm going in the right direction anyway ; )
I have more energy and motivation for other things now.

Anyway, I am happy.

That is all.

A

2008-09-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Thursday, September 27, 2007

A

Yes, A.

After 4 years of virtually nonstop pregnancies and nursing. It has happened.

A 100 pound D cup in my prime, I am now 24 years old, nearly 20 pounds heavier and 3 breast sizes lacking.

I am an A.
A sad, sad, A.

I have not been this small chested since I was 11 years old!!

How did this happen?
Something to do with motherhood, no doubt, but why me?
This does not happen to everybody!

If I were still skinny it wouldn't be as bad.

Still, I would not take back a thing. If it would erase every stretch mark or for all the boobies in the world I wouldn't change the path I have taken.
Cosmetic surgery isn't for me either (ask me again in 10 years).

So I guess I'll just have to get over it.

Put Away

2008-09-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday, July 28, 2007

a song by Ryan Flanigan

You are not alone.
You don't have to fear.
I will never leave.
You still have my eye.
Set your trust in me.
I have made your road.
You will have my hand.
Put away your own.

Faith is not what you can do.
Faith comes by my grace to you.

Your pride is what you try to do alone,
so I wait and let you fall away
until I make you put away,
put away your strength,
till you can trust in Me,
till I am all you need
to live, to move, to love like Me.

Doctors

2008-09-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

Thursday, December 27, 2007

I am not against doctors.
I am not against surgery and modern medicine.
I do, however have a problem with using drugs and surgery to suppress symptoms while ignoring the underlying problem. I have a problem with one size fits all solutions and with writing off alternative treatment just because you know nothing about it-with the tacit idea that the doctor is God!!!-as if he was not the one working for YOU.

If I get into a terrible car accident, take me to the emergency room. Give me morphine, and if less risky alternatives are exhausted, do surgery on me. Because modern science can be lifesaving in these sorts of situations.

But if I get cancer. Ask yourself why. Is it just cell damage? What toxic chemicals have I been exposed to and how much? How are my hormone levels? What is my diet like? What are my stress levels like?
You can cut out a tumor but if you never explore why it got there to begin with and make the necesary lifestyle changes there is a good chance it will return. There are causes not discussed and cures not widely accepted.
For cancer.
For diabetes.
For ashma.
You name it and there is a good chance that the root of the problem can be addessed and corrected WITHOUT drugs or surgery. This is not the case with every health issue but most of them. You should always exhaust the less risky (and often more effective) options first. You should always weigh the benefits vs the risks. This will mean different people in the same situation may make different choices because no one is exactly the same.

And by the way, many things the conventional world calls "natural" are a joke so don't be surprised if they don't work, even if the doctor himself suggests it.

The FDA (the organization responsible for approving food and drugs as safe for public use in our country) recieves funding from the drug and food industries (the companies seeking approval for their products). The FDA does not do independent research to test the safety of these products. The studies are provided to them by the food and drug companies. Also these companies are publicly traded so there is money involved there too-not to mention that the men and women approving these products (thanks to a loophole in the law) can hold shares of a company which they review.

The drug industry employs more lobbyists in congress than anyone else.
They contribute funding to almost every influential entity in this country.
Medical schools.
The media.
The goverment.
It is one big messy conflict of interest.
As paranoid as this sounds it is no less than a conspiracy.
And I do not trust it.

So doctors are steeped in the deception necessary for the perpetuation of this money making movement from the moment they walk into their first classes in medical school. Many of them enter into the health care field because they care about people and want to help them (or to make a plush living) and they walk out brainwashed and preaching to the rest of us.
And we listen.
We obey.

Because the doctor knows best.

I don't get it

2008-09-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I don't get why so many christians have the faith to believe for miraculous healings but refuse to consider (with any seriousness) the countless resources and wisdom in nature God has given us to maintain or restore our health.

We all just do the best we can.

2008-09-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Close your eyes
And run your mouth.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I know this has been burning you
So let it out.

You refuse to learn.
You don't want to understand.
Because you're right
And here I stand,
Alone.

Just do what you're told
Because you need to believe.
Do what you will
And I'll answer for me.

I wish I would shut up!!!

2008-09-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

Monday, April 30, 2007

Yes, I know I share this sentiment with many of you. Really though, why do you keep reading my blogs anyway?

Well, I tend to vomit every passing thought, concern and complaint to whoever (whomever?) is around at the moment. I just can't help my self (yes, I realize that is not an excuse). If it runs through my mind, it escapes out from my mouth. In doing this I invite people into parts of my life that are none of their business, although it is not lack of privacy I have a problem with but the advice, the judgements-the ORDERS to do things as someone else percieves more appropriate.

Although I can be very harsh when I don't take the time for tact, I am ironically sensitive to criticism (Yes, also not fair of me, I know).

Why am I so sensitive?

If I don't care what people think why am I so defensive?
I come out swinging when no one has even thought of attacking me.

I am difficult and I do sometimes enjoy controversy (though less and less these days). I am always the antagonist, my father says.

True.

But does that mean I argue what I do not really believe just to be contrary?

Sometimes.

But where it really counts, I would never take a stand on something just to be difficult. I'm actually getting tired of arguing-tired of caring even.

There are many things I believe that are "agreeable". But because they are mainstream ideas or because I don't feel they are that important I don't feel a need to stand up and proclaim them. But some things are important and the majority doesn't see that they have choices and they are suffering for lack of knowledge. Don't they deserve a voice to show them? I don't even care if other people do what I would do I just want them to be informed of their options. I need to find balance-when to speak and when to be silent.

I'm rambling.

When I have researched until I'm exhausted and cried and prayed and agonized over making a decision and then am able to make it with peace and confidence, I am not going to back down just because someone outside the situation does not understand or agree.

I will not.

I just wish it didn't bother me.

I wish the disapproval didn't hurt sometimes.

I wish it didn't make me feel alone.

So I guess instead of living my life (struggles, decisions, learning curves etc) honestly and "out loud" I should just shut up and do it.

Just shut up and live.

We'll see how this one goes...

Instant

2008-09-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

Monday, March 19, 2007

We've all heard the complaint about Americans being a culture of instant gratification-microwaves, fast foods, and ever increasing places of business being open every day around the clock because sometimes we simply must have a frapaccino at 3 in the morning or make a midnight trip to the grocery store for Ben and Jerry. I, of course, am no better than anyone else. If I decide I need a new shower curtain on Christmas day, I can find a place that's open, and God help you if you close early to be with your family!

We expect to have the things we want when we want them. We respond to what we can benefit from instantly. On the other hand, when we do not see the immediate effects of something we tend not to take it as seriously ( Yes, here we go again). For example, drugs, especially legal ones: we see the positive effects of them. We see that our negative symptoms are decreased or eliminated, often quickly but we fail to acknowledge the long term effects. We don't even hear the warnings of side effects any longer. Risks like stroke, impaired memory, increased risk for this or that even DEATH, don't phase us. The fine print is not taken seriously. After all, "I don't know anyone who's had a problem with a medication and it's not going to happen to me!". Or what about using pesticides on our lawns. It's POISON! Poison kills living things! But since we do not drop dead on contact with insecticides like an ant would, we assume it is not effecting us. Synthetic chemicals do not decompose harmlessly (many don't seem to decompose at all!). They are in our soil and our water and end up in the dirt and lakes on the other side of the earth. They are in the fish we eat and inside the bodies of those of us who have never seen a bottle of Windex! These chemicals can build up in our systems over time directly causing cancer alzheimers, birth defects, the lists goes on and on- and contributing to other sicknesses by weakening our immune systems. And just THINK: Countless chemicals are everywhere. Most with little to no testing as to their safety. 1 chemical can be deadly but what about their combined effects? Remember chemistry? Even benign substances can turn deadly when combined with certain other substances. There are countless possibilites of the reactions that are occuring every day with these synthetic chemicals. There is an ingredient in most toothpastes that has a reaction when combined with the chlorine in tap water that is toxic. By the way, that chlorine is the same chlorine used in your pool! We are told it is safer though because it is a smaller amount hmmm... And flouride! Yes, flouride...The toothpaste label says to call poison control if your child swallows more than a pea sized amount yet it is routinely added to drinking water in many areas. I've not heard a reasonable explanation for that one yet. The poison is not in the dose. You and I are living things just like the bugs we terminate with a spray can. We may not drop dead on contact but the poisons that we use against them can take us out too in the long run.

We can't avoid everything that is harmful to us but we can limit many of the toxins we would otherwise encounter every day. There are safe natural effective alternatives to drugs and pesticides and cleaning chemicals. After 4 years on this journey I'm finally getting to the part where I'm dealing with the cleaning and hygeine products I use. Are the ingredients safe? What are my alternatives? I've replaced a lot of stuff! It's a process. Sometimes it's better to take it slowly so it becomes a lifestyle change and not just a fad you get sick of. We learn and change and some things we figure out become an important part of us our lives. .....answer the phone...baby is crying...people come over...Ok I'm not really finished writing but I'm hungry...Goodbye.

BS

2008-09-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday, January 06, 2007

I am so sick of hearing about how healthy we are today and how advanced medicine is and how we're so damn smart that we can improve upon what God has made.

We may be living longer than we were a couple hundred years ago but we are so much sicker in many ways. We don't see much death in our country from diseases like pertussis and measles anymore (thanks to things like improved sanitation-not vaccinations as all such diseases were on a steady decline well before vaccines were mandated) but other chronic types of illnesses are becoming more and more prevalent. Just in the last 100 years or so, since medicine started finding new roots in drugs and synthetic chemicals began finding their way into everything from shampoo to food to furniture, the rates of cancer and diabetes and all kinds of other diseases have gone from extremely rare to huge numbers. We might be able to prolong our pathetic diseased lives but the quality of it is getting worse and worse. God gives us butter, we come up with margarine. He gave us honey and sugercane and we refine it and eventually replace it altogether with aspartame (and now Splenda-give it several years and we'll see how "safe" this one really is). What's worse is that then the creators of these products then hail them as healthier and even condemn the natural version. This is so embedded in us that most who read this will disagree with me that butter is better or that whole milk is actually better than skim-that the fat is good for you, it doesn't make you fat-that drug and food industrys care more about making money than they do about you, that I'm not just being paranoid!!!
-That there is so much more to this than anyone has ever told you and we have all been so deceived.

Study the history of the chemical revolution, the industrial revolution, the birth of government regulatory agencies and the mandates of certain medical practices and compare the dates of these events with records of disease rates. ( And it's not that we just got better at identifying and recording incidences of disease.)

There's so much. I can't even get into it all right now. I can't even organize my thoughts, I'm overwhelmed. I'm reading a book called The Hundred Year Lie, by Randall Fitzgerald. It's not new to me but the way it is presented is deepening my understanding of all this and bringing it all together. You're bored. I didn't get any of this either until I had some first hand experiences. I'm actually not even sure why I'm typing this at all. You probably don't care and I'm not making any sense but I feel this. Just don't take my word for it. And don't be fed what to believe by anyone else either. Do some research and always consider the motive of the one giving you information.
Take responsibility for your own health.
Make up you own mind.

New Mother

2008-09-12T16:38:00.000-07:00

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I was just reading the poem I wrote about Jocelynn in one of my blogs and I smirk as I am reminded of the first one she inspired.

6 Weeks Old

You seem foreign to me.
My lips, his eyes
Who are you?

Stretched out skin and tired sagging breasts
Purple marks and aching back

What is this life?
Crying, walking, pacing, rocking
Singing, sitting, sighing, bouncing
Breastmilk, tears and every bodily fluid

Where is the renowned satisfaction?
You're cute enough, I suppose
But did I miss something?

I am a frizzy haired dairy cow
Dumbfounded by the monotony of this high calling
and eluded by the joy and empowerment of self sacrifice.

Boobies!!!

2008-09-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

WARNING-I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE TIME MAKING MY WORDS PALATABLE. THIS BLOG IS BLUNT AND MAY OFFEND YOU IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO PUT YOUR INTELLECT AHEAD OF YOUR EMOTIONS.

So it kills me the way we view breastfeeding in this country. Not just the lack of it, (really though, READ the INGREDIENTS in formula. More so, research them. It's not just an alternative, not merely an inferior substitute but HARMFUL. We don't hear enough of this because everyone is so afraid of offending someone, and of course, there's a ton of money caught up in the indusry so the truth is blurred and moms are not able to make informed decisions.) but the way we react to nursing women we may stumble across out in the world. We walk by Victoria's Secret's 3x larger than life posters and life sized manequins without a thought. But a woman nursing her child OFFENDS us!!!??? We don't mind breasts, in our culture, if they are sexual. We'll take boobs and the butts popping out of lingerie winking at us before a mother nourishing her baby with the perfect food.

Now I get that breasts are sexual in our culture (although they are not in many others) so personally, I cover myself when I nurse in public, but even that "offends" some people. I see why some women prefer not to cover themselves. For one thing, blankets sort of smother the baby, and secondly, they are pushing to reform the way we look at nursing. It is not weird or sexual and it should not make us uncomfortable. It is NATURAL and it is BEST. Breastfeeding is not weird. It is our view of breastfeeding that is flawed. We are misinformed or all together ignorant in our culture about the subject and that is why the idea (or the sight) makes us cringe.

Even many doctors are on board with these attitudes to an extent. Many women are told they cannot breastfeed (which is truly rare with the right support)or should not, that their child has a certain condition and therefore requires formula to remedy it-BOVINE EXCREMENT!!!!!!!!!!!! Mostly though they just mumble that "breast is best" but never really address how much better or how much WORSE formula is.This whole business of sidestepping issues for fear of hurting someone's feeling is purely selfish. We aren't really concerned about other people. We are just afraid someone will get mad at US. If we really cared about others we'd tell them the TRUTH.

The world would have us nurse shamefully, exiled to public restrooms. Shunned to sit and feed our babies on dirty toilets, as if we were not making the best choice for them.

I will nurse my children. I will do it as LONG as I see fit whether or not you approve of it. I will nurse them WHEREVER I need to whether or not it freaks you out.

You see, I am doing what is best. I am doing what is NATURAL. If that bothers you, you are the one with the problem, not me.

I thought I'd grown out of this.....

2008-09-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

Monday, December 04, 2006

I thought I'd outgrown this but I see that now celebrities are the popular kids and adulthood is nothing more than a glorified highschool.

I was at Barnes and Noble the other night and found myself, once again, fighting curiosity about the headlines of those stupid celebrity magazines. "Brittany Spears partying with Paris Hilton!" Who freakin cares?! Apparently I do because I sat on a bench and read about it, facinated by their makeup and expensive outfits, destined never to be worn again-by them anyway. I look over my shoulder every few pages, ashamed, as if it's porn and my mother is in the next room. Why do I care that cowboy boots are now "out" after such shortlived popularity or feel silly in my flared jeans because the once ostresized tapered or "skinny" is back in style and I just can't bring myself to go there?

We are slaves to this. We go in debt to keep up with fads that are on their way out as quickly as they appear. We think we will be satisfied if we just had these clothes or this car or this apartment and then this house. But then the trends change. Newer models come out. We come into a little extra money but instead of saving or investing we "upgrade". It never ends. The more we have the more we want and there will always be something new, something "better". I am learning that it doesn't matter how much money we make, if we don't manage it wisely we will always be broke.
Because we'll always find something new to waste it on.

Our first year with Jocelynn I stayed home with her,as I do now, and we made less than $20,000. We didn't go out much. We didn't have cable but we had food and a safe place to live. We still don't make a ton of money but we have been able to buy a house and actually afford some Christmas presents this year. Still though I see that we bring our budget right to the edge. We made more money and took on more bills. For us, it was a house and a wise investment. But already we have discussed upgrading in just a few years even though what we have could comfortably take us through the rest of our lives. Why not? Why not just be satisfied instead of always taking more and more just because we can? Why not pay it off and live without debt? Why not give to those who have nothing? Even if we could pay cash for everything, why buy more just because?

It's not like it's ever going to be enough anyway.

Jocelynn Taylor

2008-09-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Jocelynn Taylor

I stroke your curls.
I savor your sweet scent.
I close my eyes and bask in this fleeting moment
as I hold you.

You nuzzle me
with your chubby arms wrapped desperately yet gently around my neck
and your little legs draped over my bulging belly
as you hug me.

You look knowingly into my eyes with a depth beyond your years.
Your dimpled fingers caress my face as you whisper
"I you mommy, I you".

These are the most elaborate moments,
spontaneous and simple,
but powerful beyond description....

2008-09-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Your power and my weakness

I part my lips
and my throat tightens
as my lungs hold captive
my song.

I know passion.
My heart remembers the desire
but I cannot express it.
-Not this way,
not today,
just as the day before.

I want to forget
and just be satisfied,
but I can't let go.

I can't do this.

Will you?

Clorox Disinfecting Wipes!

2008-09-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Clorox disinfecting wipes!

So I've doubted and often opposed conventional health wisdom for some time now. I don't always practice perfectly ideal habits either for financial reasons, practical, or mostly just plain lack of discipline. But lately I've been thinking specifically about cleaning chemicals. I'm not saying we should not be clean but there are long forgotten natural alternatives to the cancer causing earth polluting concoctions we have come to trust-vinegar for glass, baking soda for scrubbing...there are even herbs that are antimicrobial!-but they cannot be patented and therefore sold by billion dollar publicly traded industrys (just like drugs). They're not advertised. Alternatives to drugs, in particular, are given a bad name, worthless at best.Our bodies come equipped with an immune system that, IF PROPERLY CARED FOR AND SUPPORTED, can overcome just about anything. Being exposed to different illnesess is empowering and even vital to the body's defense system.Isn't it silly then. from fear of germs (which we are not just capable of but expected to fight ourselves), we just want to kill them all with chemicals that not only indirectly weaken the immune system (by not allowing it to do it's job) but cause everything from infertility to cancer! It's ridiculous!!!-and hardly anybody really talks about it! The only thing that makes sense about it is that somebody's making a lot of money scaring us into sterilizing everything!Read the warning labels on your multisurface disinfectants or bathroom cleaner. This crap can KILL you if you ingest it! What do you think the long term effects are of breathing the vapors or from contact with the largest (and incredibly porous) organ of the body-YOU SKIN! for the love......
I'd rather expose my babies to an organic germ than a synthetic chemical. It might take years for chemical damage to be significant enough to get our attention (and even then we will be told by most they are unrelated) but it's killing us in forms we'd never attribute to it.
Anyway, it pisses me off.

Hello.

2008-09-12T15:56:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

Welcome to my life.

I am first going to cut and paste blogs from my myspace account and thereby begin this one with entries, fragments of my existence from the last 2 years.

Here we go.